Just a quick note, as I am going to lie down for a while...
After my panic attack this morning when writing to Penny, I felt like I was losing my mind. I was so desperate and helpless. Suicide thoughts started crossing my mind... I didn't know how I could handle this pain for another minute...
So I called my doctor's office and scheduled an appointment with another doctor the soonest they could get me in, which was at 9:15. We went over all of the meds I'm taking, and he told me not to worry about overmedicating - what I'm taking is fine. What he did was presribe a different "emergency drug" rather than the Xanax, as that has seemed to have lost some of its effect. He prescribed Lorazapan (sp?) I believe. He said it reacts a little differently than the Xanax and also has a slightly longer effect than the Xanax.
I was still feeling really desperate, scared, not knowing how to cope, etc., when I left his office, so I went ahead and popped the new pills. They seem to be working but are making me really tired.
About the Wellbutrin, he said I'm already almost at the max dosage of it and it can take up to a month to take effect, so he was hesitant to change that yet since I've only been on it for a month. So the only thing we changed for now is my "emergency drug."
I also scheduled an "emergency" appointment with my individual counselor this afternoon.
If any of you get this in the next hour and a half or so, it would really, really help me if you could make a bullet point list of the things that you think I personally need to work on to better myself and thus my M.
I know controlling and obsessive are two biggies. Will you see what you can come up with?
Thanks, guys. I will write more later but just want to lie down for a while...
