Duty, love, and attitude

[Crazy Eddie]

For the first time in...well...maybe ever, I am considering printing out a post on SSM and giving it to my wife. You have combined two of what I consider to be major issues my W and I have:
1. Your wife's view of "wifely duty", which is, unfortunately, not shared by my W. But I've tried to articulate this view to her, albeit unsuccessfully (her current view is that if, and only if, both parties are "willing", then it's just 'sex' and she won't do it without "gritting her teeth.")Your wife's view of it is beautiful, and loving, and simple.

Yeah, it shocked the he!! out of me too. Maybe my new attitude is really getting results. Or maybe she's done that for me lots of times before and she was afraid to tell me because she sensed I'd feel like a failure before I started changing my attitude.

Now, of course, if I don't push her "over the edge", I can smile and say "better luck next time" and mean it. And she knows that and relaxes with me and has a lot more fun than she ever did when I thought of nothing but doing her the right way and pushing her over the edge successfully so I could justify my presence in her bed.

I'd gotten the impression that a woman who had sex when she wasn't into it felt "violated". I guess it's more complicated than that. Not too surprising, huh?

2. Your view of yourself is similar to mine, both with regards to how you used to think your AOS didn't "count" if your W had to remind you, and your self-loathing at being an "idiot." I'm ADD, too, and can be hard on myself when I forget things.

Stop it. (Yeah, easier said than done...) Being hard on yourself does nothing other than to annoy and confuse bystanders and drive you into the deepest darkest hole you can find. It certainly doesn't help you remember anything in the future, although it seems to stand to reason that it would. Your parents were probably frightened to death that you'd turn out to be a failure and gave you more "tough love" than you could handle and demanded things that neither they nor you knew was impossible without the right medication. They gave up their job a long time ago, and you've got to really get and understand the fact that your family, your friends, and the rest of the world in general are much too busy with their own concerns to take over the job of being your judge and inquisitor, and you've also got better things to do than go down that cheeseless tunnel.

(Or maybe I'm talking to myself again and your issue is completely different...)