You don't have to stoop to being vindictave to protect yourself and the kids. Doesn't matter how he sees it. You can keep it business like (no emotion) and still go for what you deserve. He'll be angry now, but he'll probably be that anyway. Do what you need to. We're all here for you......
no, I am not being vindictive at all. H is b/c he got screwed the first time...I am actually trying my best to think of the kids but he is also taking advantage of me. Part of me wants to tell him you are taking the girls based on what we decided not when it is convenient...the other part of me knows when they are with him he would rather be doing something else...OW.....so I would rather keep them because I think it is in their best interest. This is all going too fast for me...
I know you want to take the high road here, that doesn't mean letting him take advantage of you. Choose your battles though. For example, you both will have things come up where convenience will be a factor (with your girls). If you can be flexible where it won't hurt anything, that's being gracious. I know you think keeping the girls b/c he is (in your mind anyway) preoccupied with the OW is in their best intrest. However, I would beg to differ (unless he's dangerous, which it doesn't sound like). They need to spend time with him regardless. How many of us are always focused on our kids when we're with them? Even in a happy M the pressures of day to day stuff can get in the way.
I know it's hard to get your mind around all of this. You're right it's moving fast. Stop, breathe. you'll be ok. I know it doesn't always feel like it, but you will. My new mantra for the week is...all of this is making me who I'm meant to be. Sucks, but sometimes we have to make the best of hell and redecorate.
Understood!! My biggest problem is that H never puts kids first...not even my stepsons, I was always the one to do it. When he has them it isn't even quality time...my daughter tells me she reads stories by herself and plays alone. She says this all the time!! It breaks my heart because D5 is so upset about this sitch...she is not acting right at all...I see it and so do her preschool teachers. I told him all this over the weekend and he did not answer me.... I am flying solo I guess making sure my children are ok!
Yep, you are flying solo. Telling him about your D probably just makes him feel guilty and we know what that means. Her reading and playing alone areound him may not be ideal, but it isn't destructive. Perhaps is you keep quiet about her he may respond more positively? Maybe in your role as "defender mom", he thinks you think he's incompetent and is rebeling against any feedback you give him. I know that when I backed off (granted my kids are older) from any feedback regarding H and our D's, their R seemed to improve. Just a thought.
Thanks for the wise words...it makes sense...I just get the feeling that H is so selfish right now that nothing/no one matters to him but him He told me he would only take the kids thurs if it was raining. If it was nice he was going to have baseball practice...WTF?? When H decided to have A and file for D he should have thought about how he was going to juggle 2 sets of kids!!
well you get that feeling for a reason...he IS so selfish right now that nothing else matters to him. It is part of mlc. Not thinking about the consequences of his goofiness is part of it too--he probably forgets he has two sets of kids sometimes.
I know, it is mind boggling, but there really isn't any other explanation, short of some sort of brain tumor!
Take care mom. You actually sound pretty calm today, and that is worth a great deal.
I am calmer...I feel funny actually...not really sure how to explain it. My family has said I look exhausted and sadder...I am not sure if I feel that way or not...I think I am finally accepting that I am getting D'd.... H has done it b/f and he is flaunting OW...can't imagine him doing it but I don't want him if he is going to either. Found out last night one of his friends is filing for D and they both have the same lawyer...UGH I really hope they are not comparing notes! Waiting to hear from L today....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
No idea! His fist A was before his second son was born...then he tried again and the OW said no...then he met me...I thought he was in the final stages of divorce (been to court...etc...)
Not sure...how many QLC, MLC can one have? its like as soon as the responsiblity of young children gets tough he runs!!
