Gd1, In answer to your question, a true narcissist loves you when there is something in it for them...even sex happends when there is something in it for them. The sex will be on their terms in every way from how to when and why. If you expect more they play with your mind and convince you theres something wrong with you ...either you are unreasonable or just outragous.
But most of all a true narcissist wants you to know that if they aren't in the mood, its your fault. And if you have had the *ability* to be the spouse of a narcissist long enough you will believe it. To him it is important that you do believe it.
To a narcisist, at least my H...in his mind he was too good for me. Sex was something he needed like one needs a drink of water. In his mind he was entitled to a crystal goblet but all he had was an ordinary glass...me. The narcissist resents his wife (however lucious and wonderful she is) because she prevents him from having an even more wonderful and lucious wife...which in his mind he is entitiled to. He may openly let her know that and that there is hope for her if she would just step up to the plate and meet the mark. Of course then he'll raise the mark again.
If he is narcissistic then he married you to affirm him. He keeps you because you keep affirming him and the sex to him is simply more affirmation. You're needs to have him truely love you besides just annointing you with his commitment are annoying to him to say the least.
In a relationship with a narcissist, REJECTION and INDIFFERENCE from him are the key emotional tones. They are manipulators of your mind. if you protest they might work with you, but their main goal is to get you back to where you will accept more rejection and indifference.
If he is truely narcissistic, you are not the only person he treats this way. He treats everyone who loves him and might expect some love or reciprocating friendship back the same way. You're just the one he tolerates the best (because there is something in it for him.)- A woman who affirms him.
Michelle is right, in (most) marriages the lack of sex is a misunderstanding, in a narcissistic dynamic its about the EGO...thats what you're there to feed and affirm. When that is the case..you know it deep down, you just dont want to really believe that because you want to believe you can make him love you too.
I think if a man loves you, no matter what hes doing, you know it deep down, and if he doesnt, you also know it deep down.
There is a certain type of woman that gets with a narcissist...she is selfless to her detriment. Its not a healthy dynamic at all.
