LL, Believe me, you are certainly not the only woman dealing with this issue. I have hundreds of emails from women just like you. Low desire in men is very common and is, I believe, America's best kept secret. Even this morning I was on the radio in DC and there were many callers to the station. There were high desire men, high and low desire women, but obviously missing from the mix was low desire men. They don't talk about it. It is too shameful. One of the reasons I wrote this book is to encourage people to talk about the differences in their desire levels whether they're men or women.
I do believe, LL, that the book will help you feel better and offer you some new ideas about your marriage. I'm delighted that you are together and still working things out.
I also am wondering whether you would be willing to talk to a writer about what it's like to be in your shoes- completely anonymously, of course. You would not be identified in any way. (If any other people who are in marriages where the wife has a higher desire than her husband, feel free to contact me too.) You can post here or email me at divbuster@aol.com.
GD, I know it feels as if your h was punishing you and it's entirely possible that that was the case, however, in my work with couples, I do not find this to be what really happens. It feels that way, but in truth, the low desire spouse has all sorts of issues going on and punishing his or her spouse isn't one of them. When you feel your spouse is punitive, you start feeling angry, resentful and hurt and those feelings prompt less than desirable behavior in you, which of course, is hardly an aphrodisiac. Get the picture?
The bottom line is that rejection hurts. Contiinual rejection destroys what's good about marriage. Hopefully, The Sex-Starved Marriage will prompt folks who aren't in the mood to see the impact "just saying no" has on their relationships. Michele
