Allright, I will read the book. But I am really unsure about this Leaving-the-Book-Lying-Around-the-House tactics. Will have to think that one over.
It sounds like Michelle is saying the base for the No-Sex-After-Marriage problem is an Information/Understanding issue rather that the brilliant Solution/Focus theme in the DB series.
Wouldn't you need both?
Still find it quite problematic that the new method needs two people to do changes ... vs. with DB only one person can start and then the whole system changes ... that did work.
Thanks anyway for the encouragement. (NB: The flat I saw yesterday was depressing anyway, so I might just read the book instead, it's way easier ... )
Hi Michele, Enjoyed the first chapter. Cried a bit. Could apply to so many of us. Question: what about the narcissism mentioned by a poster above???? Narcissists, attachment injured people don't feel much empathy from the get go. And those of us who might be over-empathetic, 'caregiving' sorts don't survive well when married to spouses who are our opposites on the empathy spectrum. Do you address that dynamic at all in your new book? gd
There is a lot here just in the 1st chapter I'd love my wife to read, but how can you get someone to read something when they are not interested in the topic? She will think it is all for my benefit.
On another topic, anyone have a cure for PMS? My marriage has been terribly affected by it. I've been tracking her periods for over 2 years now, so I know. After her period starts, we start to get along pretty good, but 2 weeks later all that progress goes for naught. Once a month the tension level in the house will get so high you can almost touch it, and then the slightest irritation will send her into what can best be described as a rage that can last for as long as 2 weeks. The worst thing is that she is totally in denial about it. How can I get her to face up to the fact that she needs to get some help?
kd, it is my personal opinion that we women need your compassion and empathy during times of emotional turmoil for us...We seek your understanding. Hugs are the very best cure...in my humble opinion when PMS or high emotions strike. The worst thing I believe a husband can do is tell me that I am in a rage, irrational, overemotional...and that I need to go get myself some help. The best thing is for my H to hug me and say...boy you must be feeling pretty awful. I love you and wish I new what to do to help. Are the kids driving you nuts? AM I? Sorry honey, I really do love you but I guess I don't understand this hormone stuff and I probably do or say all the wrong stuff when it happens. So kd, are you man enough to try that? If so, this is what i predict will be the response from your RAGING wife: she will say oh honey, i'm sorry that I started going nuts here. You are so sweet to be worried about me. Maybe I should go see if I can get some help with this PMS stuff. For the most part kd, women respond to your validation of their 'rage' by dealing with their rage. So hey...a win win and all it takes is a little show of empathy and a hug and I love you. Try it kd, and tell me how it works, ok? Hugs to YOU, gd
Hey kd? Do you hunt or fish? Bowl? If you do you might want to plan those activities around "the calender". Just my $.02 worth here....... <<<WINK>>> !! Been there ....done that. Take care. ( being silly here of course!) well sorta.......what day is it anyways......?????? LOL.
Beleive me, I've tried empathy. It doesn't work. I don't give her "rage for rage". I try to be nice, but her anger is so intense that a hug from me is the last thing she wants. Might even make her violent. Its near impossibe to even be in the same room with her.
you've done it yet again. You are truly an amazing woman and your commitment to helping todays couples deal with marital problems shows through in your writing.
I have read db and most of dr, after h's ea and ultimate separation and headed straight for a D. h is now home and when he first came back I could not believe the amount of physical intimacy we were having. it was as if the spouse I always wanted appeared in my h when he returned to me.
well h has been home now for 3 months and things have dwindled a bit. Better than they were previous to his leaving but still not as much as I would like.
The "physical intimacy" problem has existed in our r for many years prior to m as well. and I know that I've gone about dealing with the issue in many of the wrong ways. I've felt hopeless, unatracitvice, depressed angry etc.. and yes these things have spilled over into other parts of our r and not at all unnoticed by me. I've even mentioned it to h...h goes to football games on sundays and if we had been intimate the night before... when he'd walk out the door sun morning I was cheerfull and would tell him to have a good time. If we had not been intimate I would be bitter and angry and from there it would go.
I used to put "sex" on my christmas list, ask for sex, fight and get angry when I'd get the "I'm too tired", or "I just don't have it" ... you know the list.
I am happy to learn finally from a proffessional that I am not the only woman dealing with a low libido h. Life can be very difficult being a woman with a high sex drive partnered with a low libido h.
hoping to gain more insights as to how to have a "sex filled" r with the man I love.
I may not be thinking with enough empathy here....but I believe that some of our H's withhold sex to punish us...for nagging them, for not being as thin as used to be, as fun as we were in the beginning....So they withhold showing us 'love'. And that begets retaliation doesn't it...even subtle retaliation like not sending him off to the game with a smile.....and then the R spirals downwards. I think withholding affection is the most immature and damaging thing a partner can do. My H did it for 23 years and I will probably never recover. But if you catch it soon enough,I have a feelings Michele' new book (on order!) will help you fix the problem! Good luck, gd
But I am really unsure about this Leaving-the-Book-Lying-Around-the-House tactics. Will have to think that one over. 
) 
Take care. ( being silly here of course!) well sorta.......what day is it anyways......?????? LOL. 