Quote: Got to not focus on the negatives--last night--but accentuate ALL the positives, all the steps closer.
Exactly. Especially when he knows....he could SEE....that OW is becoming so needy and controlling. He put her off as long as possible and finally went to go see her to see what she wanted...to see why she was bothering him and trying to butt in as he was out enjoying some family time with his lovely wife and adorable son.
Well she wanted something, did something. I talked with H this morning and he was back in his "my life" sucks mode, said we have nothing in common, no reason to stay married, it's going to change, there's no affection. Said his life is a mess and yes folks it is a mess, HIS mess. Then asked me what I wanted to do and I said you have to decide, put it back in his court!!
Asked me if I wanted to come clean with him is there anything I wanted to tell him Told him I didn't know what he was talking about, asked him what he meant by that...said nothing. Then I asked him if he knew anything and he said "Oh I know lots" and then "you won't believe what OW did" I said what, and H said I can't tell you yet. Then said does it affect him and H said "yes" I asked again, said I wanted to know especially if it was affecting me and S, H said no I can't tell you. So now I'm sitting her wondering WTF OW did!!
I'm really getting sick of her and want to pick up the phone and call the wench!!
Today started out so well, the clouds that were hanging over my head last week have cleared out (PMS) and I feel really good and then this happens.
So OW still is being a thorn in your H's side. Nothing you can do except zip those lips. Unless your H decides he has had enough of OW, it will remain a coaster for you. Just act like it doesn't bother you and be all happy even if your heart is breaking. You are the only one who can decide how long you are going to put up with his mess.
I have asked my H not to see me anymore or call or email. If it doesn't work out with OW, he just needs to be by himself until OW is out of his system. Then maybe we will have a chance to salvage our M, but as it is, it is not going to work for me. I can't have three people in an M. All he asked of me was not to put in for a job in Dallas, TX or to leave out of state. I told him that it would depend on S17 what university he will attend in 2005. If S17 decides to attend the university here in my state, then I can't leave, but if goes outside of the state, then I am free to bid on jobs somewhere else. My H has at least a year to think things through.
So, all I can do for you Cathy is pray that your H will have the strength to resist OW's pull.
Oh Hope, I think OW is winning--the pull and her money and her desparateness, they can have each other.
Just finished talking to H, OW was at the weigh in on Saturday, I hate this, I hate this..I cannot believe that woman would come and I didn't even know she was there until now! H asked me what I wanted for child support, blah, blah, said there was nothing in or R, I told him he was free to go, the cage door is open.
There was a lot more to the convo, but it just sucks that I'm in this spot, just ridiculous, and then our S. I told H that OW does not care about our S, she wanted H and that was all, she met our son a year and half ago and that Bryce was not going to be involved with that woman.
Said I didn't think she was fit to be around, asked him if she was okay mentally and H said yeah other than the fact that she's madly in love with me...
well you know what I am done, he can leave, I am so hurt, so dam hurt that he doesn't think there's anything to our R/M and I also told him that OW does not respect marriage and that is sad. That all she cares about his YOU. Not our son, YOU. He is so buffaled by her, she can have him. I am so sick of this, so tired of the way it affects every other area of my life, I mean here I sit at work a mess, ready to cry and I have all this stuff to do..
Then I started to cry on the phone and he has the nerve to ask why I'm crying that we're just having a conversation..he obviously doens't think I have any feelings at all. I said when we got married I NEVER thought he'd be having an A with someone and here we are in this mess...and he said yeah we're in a mess, well he's in a mess.
I was crying and he had the nerve to say we'd finish the conversation at home, he's an ass, someone with no feelings.
I also told him that it was him, that he's the one that doesn't care about me, never did and doesn't want me close to him and that it's HIM not me.
The drama continues. I'm just darn mad and don't know if I can pull myself together or not before I have to see the idiot tonight.
It's just a RIDE today, calls me again. I answer the phone "now what" and was thankfully interupted by a coworker who needed me for some things.
H then tells me to "get over it" and then says something like, you're crying, OW's crying, I'm crying, welcome to Wayne's world (H trying to be funny).
Tells me about a party a friend of his is having this weekend, says he's probably not going, then oh wait maybe you should go with me and then "but you'll be too tired" another complaint prebomb..he just keeps reaching for the bottom of the barrell doesn't he. I said "if you're going to start again, I don't want to talk to you" to which he changes the subject. I said "why don't you take OW", silence.
I think H just likes to get me upset, use me for his pity party and you know who falls right into it..
I told him again, he should just go to OW, I'd be fine without him and I would be fine. H then made a remark about me finding God and I replied "well He never changes is always there, that is why I will be okay"
Oh I am so sorry to hear this turn of events. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Quote: don't know if I can pull myself together or not before I have to see the idiot tonight.
If you are not up to it, then don't. Go do something else, take S to movies, walk around the mall, go to the library, take a long drive and sing songs with S. When you do get home, if H asks or wants to talk, say: I appreciate you, H, for wanting to discuss this very serious subject, and I want to make sure I have my thougths together. I"m going to sleep on the information you have already given me and lets see how things are tomorrow as to when we can sit down and talk. Or something simular. Unfortunatly, there will never be a "good" time....
Focus on what is good for YOU Cathy. Things are clearer when the anger subsides (another plus for not getting into a discussion before you're ready)
You are an AWESOME woman Cathy, you have given so much to so many. You know all the DB skills and have practiced them with such patience. The core fact remains, you will be OK and will survive this as well.
Again, you have my thoughts and prayers my cyber friend.
Sorry I wasn't around this am. I was getting a new computer (at the office) and the set-up took forever! I've been swamped since then trying to get something done as I'll be out tomorrow.
ANYWAY! I'm sorry to hear that your H is being a butt. I'm with Water....If you don't feel like going home right away...don't. Go do something for you WITHOUT worrying how he will react, what he will think, etc....
I don't know what else to add since my H has pretty much had the same "convo" with me....you know, the old...."there's nothing here besides dd, how much do you want for CS, we need to get this D going, it's YOUR house", etc.....the whole thing!
It's exhausting to continually have bombs being dropped on us. It's very normal for you to feel the way you are feeling now. You have done an awesome job at DB'g and have shown your strength, endurance, self-reliance, patience....all of it!
He's in a mess of his own creation and he needs to get out of it all on his own. He may be acting like a child but he's a big boy. Sorry...I know I sound angry but this is where I have a hard time with the whole MLC stuff...it only gets you so far you know?
Anyway, please know that you are an awesome woman and a terrific mother. Treat yourself as such.
Hi Cathy, most men love to see their wives, girlfriends, etc. all dressed up. It gives them a great sense of pride to know that she is choosing to be with me. I'm going through a divorce with three kids involved. I love my wife very much but she says she's not happy and life is too short. I try to show her and tell how beautiful she is, but all she ever has to say is, "Oh yeah whatever your just saying that." Why is it so hard for women to take a compliment. It makes me feel like she doesn't care what I think of her. I just started on the sight so I don't know your whole story. Sorry! When he was watching maybe he was thinking to himself, am I ready to give these two people up forever or do I need to wake up before it's too late? Don't know? But gotta go. Bye Brian
If you were up on my sitch you'd see that H's antics of today were very typical of my H. That basically it was his way of making himself feel better about visting OW as he's not home from work yet and more than likely at her place. Making everything about ME to lessen the guilt he feels for going there and spending the night, it's more of the same for my H.
However, the pattern has changed a little, it's averaging every three weeks now where a few months ago it was every two weeks or so.
I'm guessing here that, speculating that OW might, now just might have went out and purchased a new truck for my H, just guessing though. She's offered to buy him pretty much everything/anything else so it wouldn't surprise me.
The Lord is still testing me, my emotions are still getting in the way and Satan is trying every trick in the book to get me to give up.
Brian, do you have your own thread yet? Checked but didnt' see one.
is there anything I wanted to tell him 