I'm relieved that it all seems to be moving in the right direction, but also know NG well enough to expect some withdrawal as guilt surfaces. I just hope between us we can manage the next phase.
We had a brief chat about how he regretted the hurt all this has caused, and when I asked him if he regretted the affair, his response was he does not understand WHY the affair happened, and so how can he regret something he does not understand. Lots of analysis ahead.
Found this on Mooka's thread, by matilda, and I think it will be useful for me at some point
Quote: May I suggest an excellent book to aid in your reconcilliation and healing? It is titled, "How Can I Forgive You?", by Janis Abrahms Spring -- author of "After the Affair." It is the most interesting, logical, and easy to understand book I've read regarding forgiveness.
My H and I are almost two years into our healing. I put my own needs on hold while my H overcame his severe depression. I assumed that after he got his head together, we would work on my issues. That wasn't happening. My H simply wanted to "forget it." He didn't want to talk about it. His thinking was that by bringing up the past it would just serve to perpetuate bad feelings and recriminations. I couldn't get him to understand how important it was for MY healing for him to talk openly and honestly with me.
Hi Slowly - just popping in to catch up after what seems like forever away. Wow - a lot has happened. And you are definitely moving in the right direction. Where you found all that patience I'll never know but I'm oh so proud of you and happy for you.
I can't imagine the strength you are able to find in order to deal with "helping" the withdrawal from OW but it's incredibly meaningful that he wants your participation. I'm still watching. totally
Quote: I just hope between us we can manage the next phase.
I'm going to interpret your hesitancy as not being able to see the forest thru the trees, but let me tell you ... you are making steady progress in transversing to the other side. Keep allowing yourself to take it slooowly ... one foot in front of the other step by step ... you'll get there!
Quote: We had a brief chat about how he regretted the hurt all this has caused, and when I asked him if he regretted the affair, his response was he does not understand WHY the affair happened, and so how can he regret something he does not understand.
This reminds me of another "Piecer" who seems to fairly recently left the bb. Lisakate32 struggle for quite some time with the lack of remorse her H had about having an A ... until while driving down the road one day it finaly struck him so hard he had to pull over until he could regain his composure. It may take a while, but I wouldn't be surprised if NG out of the blue has a lightbulb moment just like that!
... but I do hold a lot of hope for you two. Hang in there (((Slowly)))
Hi Slowly, if you are willing to post part of that last email from NG to OW, I for one would be grateful to gain insight from it. My H isn't as far along as NG, but he similarly struggles with feelings for both me and OW (crazy as it seems to me, but that's how it is).
Also, congratulations....I'm sure there's a long journey ahead still, but I agree with the others that being copied on both emails is a very good sign.
Keep allowing yourself to take it slooowly ... one foot in front of the other step by step ... you'll get there! 