Hi everyone - Some startling developments. Yesterday, NG called to say he wanted to call the 'talking' with NG off. That the time has come to move on. And that he wanted me to help him write the closing email, because there were a few things he wanted to set the record straight on, to be sure he and I can move on properly.
Some months ago, a few of NG's more painful declarations of feelings to OW came to my attention. Because of that, he is very conscious that I have grounds to doubt him, his intentions. He wanted to make sure that being open, in an email to OW, which was also copied to me, he was making sure all three of us were on the same page.
So we spent the morning discussing what I needed to see, to help me move on. He had some views about not hurting OW too much, so we negotiated. It was sent off yesterday, basically saying that he now wants to have no more contact with her. No news from her yet, she may be out on meetings. We'll see how things pan out.
I guess I'm feeling much more encouraged than I was a week ago. But not getting my hopes up just yet. These 'endings' have happened before, though not with me in the loop, this is certainly a new twist.
Hi Maya - Timing can be critical. To be honest, I have not posted much these past couple of weeks, partially because I decided that it was time to come out of my dbing shell, and let him see the pain. It was just a gut feeling that he needed to see me for real, in order to make the next move.
Yesterday's letter was perhaps the first step. But I now tell him quite openly when something he says or does hurts. And he seems to be receptive, and is showing indications of changing when he can. We would not have got this far without dbing, but perhaps it was a 180, I found that crying when I felt like it, whether he was around or not. asking him point blank about what was going on with OW, these seemed to work. Only because he was ready, I believe.
Oh, Slowly, this sounds sooooooo great! I'm so very happy for you...hang in and stay calm (great advice from me of all people, huh?) but you always do!!!!
I would be VERY encouraged by his attempts to include you with that letter. That sounds like a man who knows what you need from him to heal and to heal with him in the picture...
I have to say WAY TO GO to NG, because I think he's making a step in your direction.
I know you really don't care about how OW feels (justifiably), but I think it speaks volumes about your H. I would find it really hard to reconcile your term NICE GUY with one who didn't behave that way?
It sounds as though he's pretty consistent with it.... in some regards. Not that I think taking OW in the first place is nice. But that's a story for another time.
Awesome!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
The fact that you and NG are doing these things TOGETHER, and he wants to include you, says leaps and bounds to me! I don't see too many other men doing that for their W's.
His new found openess and willingness, to communicate with you to work on the M, is a testament to you and your hard work DBing.
I am hoping though that resentment does not set in. Lets hope for quick resolution to the OW reply, if there ever is one!
Most proud of your progression and growth! Keep up the positive thoughts, NO NEGATIVITY!
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
thanks for asking about me – I haven’t been around much, simply because I had nothing constructive to say. But I did want to comment on your latest development – because I think it is HUGE. That he would involve you in such a way speaks volumes about his commitment to you. As a former OW; I can’t help but feel some sympathy for his attempt to spare her feelings, and my admiration for your own fortitude knows no bounds …. I’m sure the opinions on what SHOULD have been said in that e-mail diverged slightly. *smile*
You’re a good person, Slowly, and I always had a feeling you’d make it. I’m rooting for you & NG, and that OW will be able to get on with life. And another thing – he’s one lucky guy, and it seems like he's coming to realize just how lucky he is. Keeping my fingers crossed!
Hi Triple J - Thanks for stopping by, and I really needed to hear that we are on the right track. I know we would not have come this far without dbing, but in a strange way, letting all the hurt hang out for him to see these past 2 weeks is I believe what made him include me in the final email. After 6 months of solid dbing, I guess it was the equivalent to a 180
Just saw an email from OW this morning, saying goodbye to him, and copying me on it. NG is in an all day meeting, so I'll have to wait till the end of the day for any discussion. I'll leave it up to him, he must still be feeling a little raw.
Hi Pen - So glad you stopped by. Yes, it took me a long time to accept that this was difficult for ALL three of us. I'm still thinking of sharing here some of what was in NG's last note, simply because it shows what goes through the mind of the partner caught between 'two loves'. Time for a new thread, perhaps.
Betsey 
