W and I were riding in the ol' minivan yesterday. She started talking about some drug that they are testing that increases sexual desire in women (yeah, right, as if). I said "that sounds interesting" or something similarly non-committal. She said, "just like a man. You think women need something to increase their desire so that they can keep up with a man's sex drive. Why don't scientists work on developing a drug that decreases a man's desire?" She goes on a rant about her answer to that question which deals with male dominance of the scientific/pharmaceutical industry, female submission, you know, the usual radical-feminist stuff.
I say, "you know, there are women out there who would probably welcome a drug that would increase their man's desire for them." I'm thinking that, if such a drug existed, Honeypot would be slipping it into Mr. HP's coffee every morning, his beer every night, slipping it into his open snoring mouth in the middle of the night, etc.
She said, "there are no women who want their husband to want MORE sex than they are already wanting." HUH? NO women? Oooh, I want to tell her SOOOOO bad to tune into Radio SSM and here some of those women, but I don't. I just tell her that I think she's wrong, that such creatures do exist.
So, in my W's reality, men are animals who are ever ready, who just need a "vessel," and women are civilized beings who occasionally indulge men to keep them happy.
Her view of reality is truly messed up.
Hairdog - who really does love this woman, but who refuses to be her "sistah."
HD, Your wife is a complex woman and you have your work cut out for you. I consider myself a strong feminist in the socio-political arena, yet one of the keys to unlocking my sexuality came from acknowledging my submissive desires, sexually speaking. J--- who thinks HD's W needs to be tied up and f**ked
Hairdog, I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I also agree with Journey's assessment. Your W suffers from rampant delusional generalization about men and women, and it'd be interesting to find out, I think, where these messed-up ideas come from. If you were ever able to arrange for her to have to confront these beliefs head-on, it'd be real interesting to see what would result!
Good Lord, does she think every woman is like her? Its really too bad she couldn't see women on this board that agonize over the lack of passion and caring in their marriage as much as she thinks all men do. Has she read SSM? There are stories in there of women who feel deprived of a healthy sexual side of their marriage. Or is she the one that thinks its all phycho babble?
She is a very complex woman indeed.
Annette - who would love to win the lottery.......... Oh, Wait, you have to play to win hmmmmmmmmmmm
Well if there's no such thing as a Honeypot, then there's no such thing as a Greeneyedlass either and that would mean everything I think I'm going through is in my head LOL...NOT!!! Boy HD, your W has no clue what some of us (including yourself) are going through does she. That's sort of the problem I was experiencing with my LDH...when they aren't missing something and life seems peachy keen to them, they think it's the norm and your abnormal.
I've actually told my LDH about this message board and have in fact shared a few of the postings with him...mainly so he can see, I'm not the only one out there who feels the way I do, not is he the only one with LD in the world who is male. For us it helps to have that type of openess...and there's a bit of safety for him knowing there are others out there with the same problem we have...but he doesn't have to look them in the eye and feel less manly.
I'm thinking it may not be such a bad idea for her to read some of these posts...it may give her some food for thought.
Quote: I'm thinking that, if such a drug existed, Honeypot would be slipping it into Mr. HP's coffee every morning, his beer every night, slipping it into his open snoring mouth in the middle of the night, etc.
Oh my goodness, I nearly spewed cocoa all over my new computer when I read the heading to this post!
LOLOLOLOL
Your wife, the so called feminist, really has no clue about what it means to be a man or a woman. She took too many Womens Studies classes in college, evidently. Seriously, that view is just so warped and old-fashioned sounding to my ears! If you truly resent male domination, and you go after equal pay for equal jobs, a higher percentage of executive level positions for women, and just in general a piece of the Male Pie (yummm, btw)--then wouldn't that extend also to enjoying sex?
I'm tellin ya, it has NOTHING to do with feminism or the pharmeceutical industry (which I would agree is filled with a bunch of snake oil selling aholes); it has to do with the fact that she doesn't feel desire and is grasping for straws in order to defend WHY.
Hairdog, not only do I want more sex than my H, I have wanted more sex than the males in several relationships that I've been in. What can I say, some women just like sex and operate in the more traditional 'male' role when it comes to sexual relationships. And I have no illusions about my H truly being LD...with another woman, he would most likely be the HD partner, although he would never get so frustrated that he would read a book or seek out help, as you fine gentlemen have done. He has a LOT of control over his sex drive.
Just as your wife does. But here is what she is missing in the Increase Your Sex Drive rally: Women would be HAPPIER with a higher sex drive. Sex increases the love and goodwill that you feel towards your spouse. You are healthier and feel better about yourself. Your marriage is stronger. You set a better example for your kids. Etc (which is Latin for blah, blah, HD. )
MAN, I want to have a talk with your wife and explain to her that her view of the world is HER reality, not the definitive reality. Sex is not a win/lose proposition where if HD gets it, the Missus loses. How bizarre!
She is one frustrating woman; however, if I met her in person I suspect that I'd like her and we'd have some, uh, spirited discussions.
Hey here is some anecdotal evidence for ya to further solidify my case: A few years ago, I belonged to a bookclub, consisting of myself and 3 other ladies. Two of the women griped about their husbands pawing at the all the time and of course I never said a word, either of sympathy or to disclose my own situation (much too embarrassed at the time, unlike now). The remaining lady never said much either but she was kind of a proper sort of person. Then one day she cornered me and asked, Does (H) do what the other husbands do? I said No he doesn't. Then we began this long conversation about our LD husbands..this was the first time I had ever heard of another man having a lower drive than his wife--all along I thought it was me and that H just wasn't attracted to me anymore. That conversation really changed things for me and shifted my thinking. I was, oh, 8.5 mos preg at the time so there was no action to be taken at that time, but once I was out of the post partum 'no sex' period, I confronted him head on about it.
Anyway, my point is that your wife desperately needs to come into contact with someone who does NOT share her view on sex and men and can look at HER like she is the nutty one who is acting like a 50's housewife.
A bottle of booze and a night with Mrs. Hairy and I think I could at least get her to agree that her view aint the only one and at most maybe I could get her horny enough to go home and jump Hairyman.
Quote: I've actually told my LDH about this message board and have in fact shared a few of the postings with him
Would that I could do such a thing. I think that reading some of the things here would be great for my W, but she would be horrified to learn that I posted. She would view that as an unconscionable invasion of her privacy.
I've mentioned before that she refuses to discuss our sex problems with the C. Her response to the C has always been that they can't help her and that she'll have to work on it herself. She won't discuss that decision with me either, but my take on it is that it's not an unwillingness to work on the problem, but an unwillingness to discuss it with anyone. Was it embarrassment that we hadn’t ML in over 12 years of M? Was she ashamed to admit that we only ML a couple of times a year since then? Was she just of the opinion that sex is so intensely private that you just don’t discuss it at all? I can’t answer any of those questions, but I do know that she refuses to discuss our sex issues. I do know that she was angry with me for even revealing sexual problems to the Cs. So telling her about this board? You must be kidding.
Great post Honeypot, couldn't have said it better myself If you are looking for volunteers to participate in the discussion with HD's wife, I'll bring the wine!
)
If you are looking for volunteers to participate in the discussion with HD's wife, I'll bring the wine!