Me and my other half have been together almost 5 years living together 2.5 years. I know I have a higher sex drive than him, but it is not through the roof high....I would be 'grateful' if he would ml once a month. I just get soooooooo fed up with it all, he calls the shots. He says he has a bad back, but in the last few years we have had so many excuses that basically I dont believe him anymore, because the only thing that his bad back stops him from doing is ML.....so I do wonder if it is worth it anymore, this is not making me feel good about myself in fact like a lot of you have said my self esteem has never been lower.
You've hit on another common complaint from the HD partner. Since it takes two to tango, the LD partner always ends up calling the shots. Even if you can convince them, it's still their decision whether or not to ML.
I can't tell you what to do or if it's worth the effort in your particular case, but it's worth it in mine. If you've read my posts you know that I've been married for over 28 years, had absolutely NO sex for the first 12, and have had next to none since then. It's very hard and I have loads of problems. Many times I've thought that it's not worth it and that I should just move on to someone who appreciates me and with whom I'm more sexually compatible. But in the end, I always come to see that my W has many sterling qualities, that apart from sex we’re really very compatible, and that the good outweighs the bad. But that’s a decision only you can make.
If there are children involved, then I would VERY strongly argue for staying and putting in whatever effort it takes. Do what you can and make the best of it. If there are no kids it becomes a little easier – but only a little. Only you know if the good outweighs the bad. Only you know how much or how little you value the R. I personally seem to swing between fairly accepting of the sexless sitch and miserably unhappy with it. My only recommendation to you is to make sure that any decision you make isn’t made in the depths of one of the downswings.
Peanut, you are the only one who can answer that question for yourself. Your relationship is still very young, and I assume you are as well, but if in this young state, with no kids, your R is already hitting these kinds of rocks, then you are very right to question it. If you're not actually married yet, then (if it was me), I'd want to find some kind of resolution for this before moving to a deeper commitment. And certainly before involving children.
For myself, looking back from the POV of a 25-year marriage, with 3 kids, I can say definitely that for me, it is, and has been, worth it, even though there were a LOT of years when I asked myself that very question. I may still have times ahead of me when I will ask that, so I don't think it ever goes away entirely, but W and I are now in a VERY different space together than we were a few months ago, so I do think the answer (in my case) will continue to be "Yes". However, the answer to your ACTUAL question is, "Yes", I HAVE wondered at times if it is worth it...
Yes, the LD folks are in the driver's seat, aren't they? Do you think that's why they have LD, in some cases?
Wildebube, I don't know how you've done it and stuck around and tried to make things better, all these years.
I am new here, and I'm still obsessing about WHY these people are so LD. It makes no sense to me. I guess some people experience little or no pleasure during sex. Is that true of your LDH, Peanut? Does he just not dig it? Or do you think he has some secret fetish that would turn him on, but he's too shy to indulge? Or what? What is it????? Are all these super-LD people actually gay? Is it really performance anxiety? What do you think makes your husband so LD??? These are my ponderings, you can see where I'm at - I know most of you have gone through all this wondering before.
