I thought I would take the bull by the horns today and text my LDH, to see if he would like to make love tonight...you know plant the thought. Had to also text him to say this me comming onto you he replied YES...my goodness a positive answer, I was happy. Ask would he like some chocolate spread for tonight he replied YES Please...now I thought I was well in Anyway he came home and I showed him the jar of chocolate only for him to say oh wonderful chocolate to watch football with. Well I am sorry but were sex is concerned I have no sence of humour at the moment.....going months without itimacy is hard enough as it is. He did come in and say it was only a joke....to which I replied well thats just what it is one big bloody joke. And that basically hes won again because I find him joking about it a big turn off....
Peanut, I think many LD people do this..make jokes out of it to hide the fact that they are terribly unprepared to be sexual. Try to focus on the fact that his joking is a defense mechanism that he has created in order to protect himSELF from looking and feeling like an idiot.
It is no reflection on you whatsoever.
It is very hard to redirect a person who knows that sex is on the agenda and they start doing this weird joking thing to take the pressure off themselves. I have just started calmly saying, It is not really a joke to me. And then move on and be happy. This gets the message across SO much louder and clearer than me getting pissy and crying or whatever. Setting firm boundaries is hard but worth it, if you can pull it off.
Usually my H, after making an joke to decompress the tension, will come to me and say "I'm sorry I'm being silly about it..I really am excited about doing XYZ with you." BUT this only comes if I have stated my preferences (don't turn this into a comedy routine) plainly and without drama.
Good luck, peanut, and for goodness' sakes try the chocolate sauce again tonight and then give all us poor suckers a report in the morning.
Sorry, I should have been more serious. I do agree with what the others have said though - they try to make a joke of it to let themselves off the hook. I think HP was spot on, tell him it's not a joke to you and then just drop it.
And if you're talking about Euro2004, England really doesn't play again until tomorrow. A quarter final against Portugal.
Wildebube I have to say that I have come to HATE football. WHY? he shows more passion and interest in 1 football game then he shows in me all year round
Believe it or not, I do understand. My W is the sports junkie in our house. I watch football every four years when the World Cup comes around and can get pretty wrapped up in in that. I also like Formula One racing, which amounts to 18 races per year. She watches baseball, basketball, and hockey, and used to watch football (American football, that is) along with the others - literally hundreds of matches per year. I have no interest in any of those.
I would be over the moon if she would show one tenth the passion for me that she shows for the Dallas Stars hockey team.
I so sympathize with your situation. We live in the country and my LDH gets more excited over a 4-wheel pickup or a tractor than he does thinking about ML. For the longest time I tried to deal with our sitch by having a sense of humor about it...I guess I thought by doing that I wouldn't appear to be putting pressure on him. Unfortunately no matter what I did, even if he joked back, it was still pressure...on both of us.
Lately it seems no matter where you look, especially if you watch tv as we do, sex is everywhere. If it's not someone having it on tv (in a manner I'd personally like) it's a commercial on how to lift your libido or aid a failing erection. I either resentfully sit there now when these things are on tv, or simply get up and walk away when all I really want to do is throw something through the tube!
My LDH and I are getting to a better place, although our sex life hasn't exactly taken off (once in six months is hardly a record)but at least we're beginning to communicate more about it. Still I find it very difficult to joke about it.
Sometimes if feels that everyone else in the world is having sex except me (and those of you on this board of course too ;-) The fact that the media is so blatantly putting sex in our faces doesn't help at all...it puts pressure on my LDH because he watches them and can't help but notice my reaction (which I do most of the time try very hard to hide) and it puts pressure on me because it's just one more reminder that I'm lacking that in my R. "SIGH"
Right now I'm working on different approaches, in a non-pressuring manner, to see what my LDH responds best to...I'll let you know if anything works for me so you can give it a try too :-)
he replied YES...my goodness a positive answer, I was happy. Ask would he like some chocolate spread for tonight he replied YES Please...now I thought I was well in 
