Well as most of you know I am the HD partner in my marriage. I was wondering if any of the other HD partners here tend to start losing their desire when the emotional part of the realtionship seems to be getting bad? I have started seeing a side of my H that I did not see the first 2 years we were together. That is his temper actually he didn't even have one.. And in the past year it has esculated and seems to be getting worse and worse. To the point where it brings up old feelings for me that I had in my first (absive) marriage. And I am finding even when I had been in the mood all day he starts showing his temper and talk about turning down the heat. My desire just disappears.. And sometimes the desire is there but I don't have any desire to be with him I am just horny. Does anyone know what I am talking about or experienced anything similar?
How are you doing today?, thanks for replying to my post the other day.
I do not have a direct answer to your question but like you I feel less love and desire for my H than I did when we got married because of the things he has said and the ways he has behaved towards me when he has been angry.
I am in a similar situation as you, and I do admit like you I am horny almost all the time now. Very unusual for me, I was never this way. I think the less I ML, the more I want to ML. I am trying to find things to distract myself. Do you like gardening?, aside from ML what is your favorite thing to do?.
Would doing that once in awhile help take the pressure off? How shall I put this delicately?, I help myself and that always takes the pressure off?. Would you consider doing that?.
Hugs and Kisses from me, hope you have a good day and hang in there. I am hanging in there in a similar situation to yours. By the way, do you like to exercise?.
My W also has a bad temper. I think she always had it, but it was just covered up until after we were married. Even now, it's almost always directed at the kids, not at me. But just the same, it does tend to kill anything resembling desire from me. When she blows up, I don't even want to be around her, much less ML. Uncontrolled anger is a real turn-off, regardless of where it's directed.
I can really relate to what you are saying and yes, for me I experience the same thing you are. My husband and I are currently going through counseling (well actually he's the one attending, I'm supporting). Up until he agreed to go to counseling he had completely cut me off emotionally as well as physically. I won't go into the long drawn out story why...lets just chalk it up to he's been treated badly and didn't realize he was treating me the same way he had been treated, trying to make sure it never happened to him again.
Anyway...fortunately for me, my husband wants our marriage to stay together and he assures me now that he will get this problem worked out for us.
Regardless I know what it feels like to be shut out emotionally, and it SUCKS!!! Before my husband finally agreed to counseling I was just about out the door. I still loved him, but I had absolutely no way of knowing that he still loved me. I received nothing emotionally from him and the sex was non-existent. I found myself simply being horny...and then at that point it scared the hell out of me that I could understand how some people are unfaithful and go outside their marriages. I didn't do that,a but I now understand the mind-set. I was ready go jump a complete stranger just to get it out of my system. Sound familiar?
I even took care of myself on several occassions which I know works wonders for lots of people. Unfortunately for me I just got really resentful about it...I'm working on that right now. It certainly does seem, for me anyway, that the less you get sex the more you think about it and the more you want it...even if it wasn't one of your higher priorities in the past.
Sometimes you don't realize how important some things are to you until you don't have it anymore...that seems to apply to soooo many things doesn't it?
Question for you...does your husband want your marriage to work out? If so I'd definitely try to urge counseling of some type (if you aren't already going).
I wish you the best of luck...I'm here anytime you need to talk :-)
I know exactly how you are feeling. There has been a lot of time recently for me where Im really horny but not really wanting to do it with the W. But knowing that going somewhere else would be wrong. Granted we havent ML in about 2 weeeks so I haven't had to worry about it.
I wish I only had dry spells for two weeks. My LDH finally ML Saturday evening, after a very helpful conversation (he's going to counseling now)...but up until that time it had been six months OUCH!!! :-) I'd give anything to just go two weeks LOL.
Regardless of the time frame though, it's sad when anyone starts thinking about going outside, whether they actually do or not. I guess, for me...when you start doing that it's not much of a leap to the physical act itself and that's what scares me.
What she said. This past weekend we ML for the first time this year. Those extreme dry spells nearly always have me looking elsewhere. I don't want to go there and don't act on the thoughts - but when I get so little sex in my M it creates a longing that just bubbles up all the time whether I want it to or not. It's always boiling just beneath the surface. Like you - it scares me.
I think going 6 months without it would kill me. The longest we have ever gone was 4 months. At that time I was so tense that if there would have even been an oppertunity with someone else I would have taken it. I am really ashamed to admit that but it is the truth.
What I failed to metion before that before this last Time wew made love it was a month before that. So its still very diffecult.
I think the longest we've gone is almost 12 months...and you know for me it really doesn't matter what the length of time you/I have gone without. It's the fact that we aren't getting what we need be it two weeks, a month, 6 months or a year. It seems to me that after reading several of these posts...the problems are still the same regardless of the frequency. Although...don't get me wrong...I hate to admit it myself, but I have come very close to having an affair myself. I think so far the only thing that has stopped has been the fact that I do love my LDH and I know if someone did that to me it would just about kill me...so, so far I haven't.
Our therapy seems to be helping though, so I'm hoping I can avoid it :-)
Thanks everyone for your encouragement and you replies.. I really appreciate all of you.. And so desperatley need to talk to everyone.. I feel it's the only place I have to go right now..
Kay I do like to garden but did not get on going this year. I also had set a goad to walk 2 miles 2x's a week and haven't walked for two weeks. I had only been walking 2 miles once a week but I was still walking.. So with that in mind I was thinking that tonight when it cools off I will go walk that does help my mind also. I don't have much clarity and am seeking it desperatley at the moment..
I don't know if my husband wants to make it work.. He texted me this morning and said "I'm sorry I mad you mad". I moved out of the bedroom, this is a first for me. My clothes are still in there as there is no other place for them. So when I got home from work I went to change and noticed his weeding ring on the dresser so I took it. I am sure he will be angry about it but my point is if he doesn't want it what does it matter? Of course that's not the first time either of us have taken off our wedding rings.. I am going to tell him I need some space for awhile. I am always so willing to jump back into things. This time it is bothering me so much I just cannot allow myself to do that. I don't want to end my marriage but I don't want to lose myself or continue to tolerate being treated this way.. I have been working really hard on the marriage and am hurt that all he can see is my flaws.. I don't want to keep giving him the message that I will put up with it and it's okay because by jumping back in that's the message I am sending.. Well I am not okay with that message today and need more clarity.. I am not declairing our marriage over but I need time to sort things out.. Thanks everyone I appreciate you all sharing and being here..
