Haven't been here in awhile, so I thought I'd drop in and give an update.
Things are going VERY well for my W and I. We have both found common ground and have or rather, are working on rekindling our passion for each other. Sure, we have had miscommunications or missunderstandings about what each of us desires at a particular moment, but we have talked them out like rational adults and have come away the better for it. My W is still unsure at times about wether or not my "change" is a lasting change, and that is understandable. It is up to ME to show her that her fear is unwarranted and that my love for her is boundless and I am in no way, shape, or form going to let myself revert back to the way I used to be.
We went to our last MC session last Friday, and she expressed her concerns, her happiness, and her feelings that although she may not be EXACTLY at the place I am as far as her feelings towards me, she is getting there more and more each day. One of the issues in our old marriage ( I consider this a new one) was my inability to initiate the act of love making due to some baggage I had carried over from my first marriage. I no longer have that problem, in fact, it is as if something inside me has been turned to the on position, and now I find myself wanting to "be" with her and make her feel good all the time. Last night, I was really wanting to ML to her, and I worked up the nerve to initiate, I say worked up the nerve because this is an area were some of the miscommunication has come into play, I got the impression from her that she wanted to as well, well I "made my move" and she irritably pushed my hand away. Of course I was hurt, but I did not say anything, I could not however, control the tears sprang in my eyes, you see, this was one of the things my ex-wife used to do among other things and thus it created my fear of initiating. This morning my wife apologized to me, and we talked about it. I told her that it wasn't the fact that she didn't want to ML, it was the way she rejected me that hurt me, and I understand that sometimes either one of us may not be "in the mood". She told me that she was just exhausted last night and she just wanted to sleep, which upon further reflection by me, I should have realized that. I told her that I understood that and I apologized for not realizing it at the time. She said " I know we need to ML, but i just didn't feel like it last night". I the told her that I don't ever want to ML to her just for fact that we NEED to, I want to ML to her because we WANT to, she then took me by the hand, and with this mischeivous look in her eyes, guided me to our bathroom and locked the door ( our girls were in the living room) and we ML. The key is COMMUNICATION, we both now feel free to express our innermost thoughts and desires to each other and we both realize that we need to clear up any miscommunication/misunderstanding before it gets out of hand. There is lots more to tell, but my fingers are getting tired.lol. Anyway, things are going really well and I just want to express my gratitude to all on this board for the support and understanding that is given.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
