Hi everyone! I'm going to try to post more again. Yes, I'm still alive and my D is still busted (but I think my H is busted too ). I had Lasik back in April and my eyes are having a hard time adjusting. It is difficult to be on the computer. Then, at the end of April, my H got very sick with a (so far) unknown intestinal disorder. He is on medical leave so, between attending to him and keeping up with the house, work and bills, I haven't had much time.
I will post a recap later here on my new thread, but if I only have one thing to remind everyone of, it is this: On November 2 (funny how we remember those dates) my H said that it would take a miracle for him to change his mind. There was OW, H slept in the guest room and he was doing everything in his power to make me hate him and to engage me in a fight. With the help of my best "as if" attitude and my dear friends here on the MB, my D has been busted! Miracles do happen!!!
I still feel very insecure about the whole thing and the OW still calls him occasionally...so I'm not living happily ever after yet, but I've come a long way and I owe much of it to the help and support of my friends here.
I'll post more later and I'll try to catch up on some of my friend's threads.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Christine! Thank you for posting. I have been reading today trying to find something to give me a little peace and strength...your post really helped.
My H also dropped the bomb a year ago and there was OW, but in my case she is also his XW of eleven years ago. She brought their son (whom he had never seen) back into his world also). All of this was done under the noble guise of being for the son. Well within two months it was a full blown affair. H did the same thing yours did, moved into the spare bedroom and then into the camp trailer. He was drinking a lot and always angry at me.
I have DB my tail off, and by New Year's (also our 4th anniversary) the fantasy of OW/XW had started to wear off and H moved back home. No explanations were demanded, we have not had a fight (nor a real good conversation), but he has asked what he has done to deserve me. He is remodeling the house again, and has taken interest in our homelife again. For this I am thankful, and yet something is still missing. He still seems pulled back in many ways, still drinks too much, and a few nights he doesn't come home. This past week he has been out of town on a business trip and I feel anxious. I feel as if at some point he will be seeing son (which is great) but I am sure OW/XW will be there. He hasn't said anything, and so I am only ASSuming, but it is so hard not to.
Sorry to hijak your thread. Thank you for your words that give me hope, and I would appreciate any advice you can share.
Warmly,
~~Janehiswife~~
"Who in the world do you run to when the only person in the world who can stop your tears, is the one who made you cry?"
~Author Unknown
Today I was going to attach links to some of my old threads but I decided that my time would be better spent relflecting on what has worked for me. Besides, one of my best threads has vanished into cyberspace. It's too bad because it was the thread where I think I did some of my best DBing.
What worked:
-Don't argue about anything...period. Take a break. Don't overreact. If something is important enough, then it will still be important in several hours. Otherwise just let it go.
-Don't take ANYTHING personally. Check your pride at the door. The WAS will say things that are crazy, untrue and hurtful, but it's not about you...it's about them. They say ugly and hurtful things because they feel ugly and hurt.
-Act "as if". This was my biggest weapon! I even taught my sister how to do this when her BF dumped her and now they are back together. This works at so many different levels that I may have to devote an entire post to this alone. There is a post that keeps getting recycled that defines the "special as if attitude". I read this every night before I went to bed. We must not overreact. We must not get sucked into their pathology. We must act as if everything is fine around us. My H accused me of being delusional. He said that everything in our lives was a mess (it was only in HIS life where everything was a mess...my life was fine). Gradually, H stopped fighting the "as if" attitude and started acting kinder towards me. I think he felt guilty about how bad he was treating me while all the time I was so nice.
-Don't make a fuss over the OP. I kept reading over and over that these infatuations will run their course and eventually fizzle out. I decided to have patience and it did fizzle.
-Decide to have an A with your S. I bouht about a thousand books and CDs during my crisis and on one of the CDs the author said, "If you don't have an affair with your H, then someone else will."
-Always take the high road. Don't do anything that you will regret later.
-Be positive. Nobody likes to be around a depressed person. I decided that I had control over my own environment so it was going to be a positive environment and no one had the power, H or anyone else, to destroy it. H could be in his negative space, but I would not allow it to affect my space. I decided to fill up my environment will love an positive energy. It is truly amazing how attractive this makes a person.
I will post more later as they come to me. Everything that I did was not easy. I had to be strong. Stronger than I ever thought possible. There were times when I thought that I was going to crumble under the pressure. I had to be in absolute control of my emotions. No reacting to his antics. In the end, I gained so much self-respect and even if H did leave me, I knew I was going to be allright. He was the one whose life was in turmoil.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Just wanted to say HI!!!! Great job!!!! So glad to hear your awesome news!!!! The xOW, still makes me anxious though. Isn't that the toughest part, gaining the trust again? At least it is for me.
Thank you {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Christine}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Again, just what I needed to hear! Please keep posting those positives!
Warmly,
~~Janehiswife~~
"Who in the world do you run to when the only person in the world who can stop your tears, is the one who made you cry?"
~Author Unknown
). I had Lasik back in April and my eyes are having a hard time adjusting. It is difficult to be on the computer. Then, at the end of April, my H got very sick with a (so far) unknown intestinal disorder. He is on medical leave so, between attending to him and keeping up with the house, work and bills, I haven't had much time.
