Hi Cindy..Congrats on your dbing.I too am in the process of living with my h again..and you know after 1 mos apart, it is hard..to sleep woth someone again..to watch some of their tv shows..just everyday life that I had gotten used to alone.
Take deep breaths when things feel tense...I have to stop and look around every once and awhile and thank God for what I really have accomplished these past few years...it took alot of hard work and patience for us to get to this point, and now even harder work in a different way to maintain our strengths that we have acquired..hang in there, the best is yet to come
Yeah Cindy.....I am so happy for you. So very happy . You have worked sooooo hard and deserve this to work out well for you.
My H is drawn toward me the last 3 weeks and making plans for the next month or so. He has not talked about moving back in yet, but spending parts of each week here and wanting me to go to his place weekly. YEAH team.
Would you visit my post and offer some objective insights. I am hitting some roadblocks that I need to work on.
I have followed you for the past 5+ months and your skills and sharing of your journey has helped me a lot!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
Yes, I have a hard time sleeping with h there. I wake constantly as he rolls and moves around.
I came home yesterday to find that he had moved everything from where I had put it. That was a little unsettling but ok if that is how he wants it why fight about it.
In the course of the evening we both referred to things as 'my, mine' instead of 'ours, us' which I guess will come with time.
You are right it is difficult to get back into the everyday act of living with your spouse. But it is definitely better than without them!!!
Cindy
PS> In the course of unpacking the telephone I 'accidently' erased the ow's message! Oop, my bad . H saw I did it but didn't say anything. We cuddled on the couch to watch a movie instead.
My h doesn't know that I know about his involvement with his neighbor (ow). She left him a note which I found that said "hey let's get together for drinks so we can discuss our r. I'm newly divorced and am not interested in an r but wanted to find out how you felt. call me."
Well h called today and asked if we should call HER to have her take our kids to the pool. (kids need a chaperone 14 yrs or older to be at the pool)
Well what should I do? SHould I say I know about her? Ask how he handled the r discussion with her? Tell him I would prefer not to have to deal with her.
I don't feel comfortable asking her into our lives again. We moved way across the complex from her and I don't want her to come back around. She really doesn't like me, ignores me when I say hi, and only talks to h when I'm right there.
I know its always an exercize in doing the RIGHT thing when it comes to these types of matters. In general, the LESS SUSPICIOUS you are of this type of stuff, and the MORE CONFIDENT in what the two of you are rebuilding, regardless of who calls in on the cell...who chaperones the kids at the pool..whats the history behind an unused box of condoms...the better off you are..
I would not let these things get to you where you feel you have to press him on it. Lets face it, the guy was seperated for a long time, and he was out and about socially, there are repercussions that result from that kind of a lifestyle. NOW, he supposively has recommitted, most of that is behind him, so maybe its best to ease off and TRUST that his ACTIONS will show you his level of committment to you when these things pop up by him DOING THE RIGHT THING.
Again, now that you are back together, you get to see first hand, just WHO it is you so desperately were trying to win back. I'd let him take the initiative with the female chaperone thing and WATCH how he handles it...if he leaves it up to you, thats a good thing, just tell him you don't think "we" need to bother her with that.. end of conversation..
Thanks Wiley for your awesome advice. I have not said anything to h about the chaperone idea. He didn't mention it again either.
But I know it will be a matter of time since our kids love swimming and will want to go. I think I'll try to get one of our upstair's neighbors to take kids to the pool...beat h to the punch so to speak.
You are right, I need to be confident in what we are building now. These other diversions are just that...scenery on the way to the final destination. Nothing more, I can look at the scenery but don't need to get out of the M car!
I'm cool. Going out with gal pals tonight. Looking to have a good time!!! No pressure just having a good time with my friends and with h. H has plans to take us to see Tesla next week. Looking forward to THAT!
While looking for wedding bands, my h bought me a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring!!! (My friends tell me it's his way of saying sorry.)
Things are going so awesome! I'm mostly appreciative of the small things h does like opening the door for me, unlocking my side of the car first, getting me silverware, bringing me a drink, putting his hand on the small of my back, even hugging me close to his side as we walk.
I'm being different too...showing my appreciation for each thing he does, encouraging him to go out with his friends, making sure we go on dates, keeping up his hobbies, watching sports with him, etc.
He surprised me yesterday by going to register the boys for school!!!! I told him he was awesome!!!
Glad to hear things are going so well!! I am so happy for you.
Just last night I was talking with my gf about my habit of taking things for granted, and she made the comment that it's not important that she feel loved, but that she feels appreciated. Keep that up, and things can only get better.
. H saw I did it but didn't say anything. We cuddled on the couch to watch a movie instead. 