It sounds from your most recent posts here that you might be thinking of taking a more direct approach with your wife than the '6 mos. No Pressure approach?' If her response to you the other night is any indication, (I feel pressure even when you aren't pressuring), this tactic isn't going to get your very far. Unless, of course, you have your member surgically removed and have it presented to her in a velvet lined gold box....
Is that following your current line of reasoning? Now that you know your current tactic isn't going to get you anywhere, are you in the process of considering other things?
Well, I didn't interpret HD's intentions as applying more pressure. Rather, I see him refusing to "pretend to believe" the line of bullsh!t that she hands him. I see him working towards calling her on her nonsense, all the while continuing to not iniatiate or grope her, etc.
Take care and stop by and let us know how it's going with you.. HP
Not that Hairdog needs another point of view, but...
I think his current stategy of "no pressure" is just fine.
I believe Wife-of-Hairdog is in fact quite intelligent. That doesn't mean she's right, however. She has issues of her own (who doesn't?) but has decided to blame her problems on someone else, although she still thinks of herself as honest.
After a little more of: HD: Let's make love. W: No. HD: OK. Your loss.
it may become obvious to W that there really isn't pressure. What happens now is either she can see that she's run out of excuses or she can find something else to blame on him. Then he can ask, "When are you going to stop blaming me for your problems?", gently walk away and just let it sit with her.
I think the best way to get Wife-of-Hairdog to face up to her issues is for Hairdog to hold his course. Ultimately it's up to her. He needn't give her more excuses.
Lots of posts on this thread overnight. Okay, first off, Lou Paget's book sounds wonderful, but my wife isn't ready to read it yet. Heck, she thought TSSM was the "usual" type of book about just putting out to make the HD spouse happy. I don't even think she's ready for PM, starting out as it does with the story of the couple where the woman has fantasies etc. But when I think she's ready, I'll recommend it to her. Thanks, eo.
Tim: I'll check out those pages...the book is in my van right now, and I'll have to go out at lunch and get it.
Dave: Why did you change your name? You sound like some sort of rutting buck now.
Corri: I'm not sure exactly what you're saying here. Are you saying that the no-pressure isn't working, or that applying pressure isn't going to work? I'm thinking that the only pressure I'm going to apply for the next month or so (two weeks of which we will be on vacation) is what Tom recommends, e.g. "let's ML" "No" "Okay, no problem (thought bubble saying 'your loss, babe.')"
It rained a huge amount here in Missouri last night. One of our cats (outdoor cats) jumped up on the porch and his fur was wet. I mentioned to my W, "Look at that. It's been a long time since I've seen a pussy that wet." She didn't react. Now come on, I was trying to be funny, and if you had heard my voice, you would have known that. I suppose this will be thrown back at me as "pressure." If so, I think her barometer is just plain broken.
Hairdog - who laughed at that joke again, just now, as he was writing it.
Quote: "Look at that. It's been a long time since I've seen a pussy that wet."
Hairdog, that WAS funny, but no doubt your W read it as "more pressure". It would be hard for her not to. Funny as it was, no matter what the delivery, it WAS a "pointed comment". I'm sure she got it, and the meaning could not have escaped her. Are you SURE it didn't "violate" your "no pressure" stance? I do think it will be necessary for you to be able to get to a point where you can discuss sex with your W openly and honestly, and maybe that's a point on which you can "hold onto yourself" and make a unilateral move for greater differentiation... dunno...
Quote: It rained a huge amount here in Missouri last night. One of our cats (outdoor cats) jumped up on the porch and his fur was wet. I mentioned to my W, "Look at that. It's been a long time since I've seen a pussy that wet." She didn't react. Now come on, I was trying to be funny, and if you had heard my voice, you would have known that. I suppose this will be thrown back at me as "pressure." If so, I think her barometer is just plain broken.
Hairdog, I think your wife will interpret that as pressure. I know during my "no pressure" stages, I tried little jabs and pokes like that and found out later from her that she took them as me pressuring her.
I think she probably would have thought it was funny, had it not also been true. The "truth hurts" aspect of it overshadowed any hilarity.
Honeypot, who liked the rain but missed having someone to cuddle up with as it poured. (H was already at church by the time the worst of it hit my area)
