Honeypot has been suggesting that I learn to talk with my wife during sex to help maintain contact. I'm still trying to figure this out ...
During sex, the main thing that is going on in my mind is how her body feels and how my body feels, and the feelings of closeness. Do you think running patter along those lines might be helpful as a way to maintain verbal contact during sex? "Your breasts are so soft and warm, I love to stroke your nipples...and feel them harden up...mmmm and can you feel me responding?" Or would that be overload?
That's at least something that I would know how to do (though I'm blushing just writing these sentences). In our marriage, talking dirty wouldn't work. Everything has a perfectly good Latin name, and my wife really wouldn't want to hear any less respectable aliases ;->
It does not have to be complete sentences because, if things are a bit passionate, you just can't talk much at all at that moment. Except to utter "Oh Gawd" Memories, chuckle. A few well chosen words can do the trick, too. Start off slow eith the talking and see how she responds. Talking is a turn on for some people. For others, it's a distraction..
This would definitely work for me. I like being talked to during sex, but it doesn't come very naturally to my H. I don't see this as a LD issue; he just isn't a very verbal person. So I encourage him in this regard by saying things like " Does that make you hot?" or "What do you want me to do?"
This can be a kind of tricky thing though. I had a boyfriend in college who stopped me cold by comparing my nipples to pencil erasers. It turns out he had never been with a woman with pink ones before, but I was really turned off.(LOL)
I know some of the advice I've offered for you HD guys has been laughably off-base, but I'm going to try once more.It seems to me that many of you are indicating that your LDW is uncomfortable with her own body and specifically her own genitals. Why not try explaining to her that to you her vulva is a fascinatingly beautiful thing, like a peony in bloom, something you just have to stop and stare at for a while and can't help but wish to touch.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Speak in incomplete sentences? Do you want me to break all of my taboos at the same time? Does this mean I can't use footnotes either?
"Oh God!" [1]
n.
1. God 1.a. A being conceived as the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient originator and ruler of the universe, the principal object of faith and worship in monotheistic religions. 1.b. The force, effect, or a manifestation or aspect of this being. 2. A being of supernatural powers or attributes, believed in and worshiped by a people, especially a male deity thought to control some part of nature or reality. 3. An image of a supernatural being; an idol. 4. One that is worshiped, idealized, or followed: Money was their god. 5. A very handsome man. 6. A powerful ruler or despot.
[Middle English, from Old English; see gheu()- in Indo-European roots.]
Quote: Start off slow eith the talking and see how she responds. Talking is a turn on for some people. For others, it's a distraction...
Yes, that's very good advice. For me, this all came up because my wife used to complain when I would stop talking during sex at the point I get really turned on. Honeypot suggested that I try to keep the connection going by talking. But we'll see how she actually responds when we actually get around to trying sex again.
I do quite a lot of talking and usually she tells me to be quiet so that children can't hear. I usually say whatever comes into my head like "You're so gorgeous/warm/soft/sexy”, I love your body/skin/hair/smell/tummy/buppies” etc. etc. etc. As I say, it’s lost on her because she gets paranoid that teenagers are listening at the door but I just can’t help it. Just say anything that comes into your head bolete. SD
My LD GF ususally tells me to shut up during the rare occasions we ML. I tend to talk to cover my anxiety about how I'm doing. I'd love to get her to talk and give me feedback on how she feels but she just lays there silently and even thinks that making any noise during orgasm is unnecessary drama!
Quote: I tend to talk to cover my anxiety about how I'm doing.
I wonder if that's why my LDH talks so much sometimes during ML? He drives me NUTS sometimes. I don't mind talking dirty, or moaning/noise, but let's not talk about the kids or the evening news - gets me TOTALLY out of the mood. (And if I wasn't trying to "differentiate" I would think he was doing THAT on purpose!)
HH, Let me get this straight, you hubby wanted to talk about kids, bills and other household things whilst you guys were ML?!?!?!?
Now my spouse does not have an "adult" sense of humor, when I told her Hairdog's joke about the Canadians and sex, I was accused of being as rude and insensitive as my father.
I've tried sexy talk during sex, but it doesn't so much for either of us.
Scott -Who is several hugs short this week and feeling very touch-starved, but who should feel better considering he got two last week which is way ahead of the normal week.
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
Hey Scott - Sorry you are hug-starved this week. I would give you one of those internet hugs but, well, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea about my intentions.
As for my H, I should clarify that he only makes idle chit-chatty chatter when *I* initiate (and he did not start out being in the mood) and only in the beginning/foreplay stages. Once he has allowed his brain to go to that special place that allows him to feel intimacy/sex/passion he stops with the banter. The issue for me is getting him to that place, when he (through his chatter) is really trying to stop himself from going there. I usually just get frustrated and either tell him to shut up or I just stop altogether because the chit-chat has put ME out of the mood.
You approach him, he's not expecting it, he hasn't had a lot of contact with you, and he wants to say "hi" before moving into the heavy physical. So he moves to the automatic topics - the kids, the news...
Once he feels like he's crossed the threshhold, it isn't needed. Did I get that right?
Maybe that means a little time sitting on the couch listening to music and snuggling first would help him adapt to the changing temperature.
