Quote: Still, I was sad to hear that for years he's been walking around waiting for the shoe to drop. I told him that he just isn't disposable or replaceable to me!
All of this is important info for me in terms of understanding the reasons that lead Wolfie into having an A. Shortly after I found out about his infidelity, Wolfie said a lot of things about how he believed it was "just a matter of time" before I asked him to leave. He had convinced himself that I just didn't love him anymore. The truth was that I was mad at him for emotionally distancing himself from me and acting like an ass--but I was never considering ending the R.
Ah, Tal...more words of wisdom and insight from your thread! It resonates with me..one of the first things h said post-A was "I thought our M was already over. You were so angry all the time." Clear (when I LISTEN) that h, too, was waiting for my departure.
Hard stuff this loving in the face of everything Worth it, though.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hi Tal - I'm so glad you are still posting progress - it truly reads like a reference of what to expect, if things continue in the right direction. KAW had suggested I look up your threads for ideas on how to handle some of my difficult patches, I hope you don't mind that I list them here. It's going to take more than one sitting, and I know some of the other recent additions to piecing will find this as valuable
hmmmmm.....I'm thinking I need to start through your threads, Tal. I know I've read bits and pieces before.
I get such good baby steps, and then comes the step backwards, and I get discouraged again....sigh......it helps to know others see similar things and still make it through.
Oh Talitsa! I can't believe it! I just read through your first thread when you mentioned your H blaming the A on you in part because you bought him the wrong x-mas present 3 years before. I heard the same exact story, except it was not only christmas but birthday!!!!!!!(and my mother bought him a bad christmas gift....and now that I think of it my 87 years old blind and broke grandmother).LOL! obviously you've been able to "pull it out" as they say....I will be catching up on your threads....I am in awe of the success stories here on the board. I only hope --and pray--that someday I can be one of them.
HOLY! I'm a little embarrassed to have folks go back and read through my threads. It is a chronicle of the hardest time of my life and I was an emotional wreak! Still...that was my story and the process I went through to get where we are now, so I can't regret any of it.
At the very least, my story is good for a couple belly laughs!
Update: Wolfie has been rather a grump lately. I know he's burned out at work and has actively been applying for other jobs. Even if he has to piece 2 part-time jobs together, it will be worth it to me so that he'll no longer be working with the BUTT-UGLY one!
Anyway, this weekend, he was really irritable. I found myself getting a bit worked up. I think the thing that struck me most was how low a tolerance for frustration he has and how his tizzies looked very childish to me! I still worry when I see him getting depressed or bitchy that his train has jumped the tracks again and we are heading for one of two scenarios: 1. He will have another A and leave me. 2. He will have another A and I will end this R because I'm NOT going through that crap again.
So....I had to take a few deep breaths, tell myself that it is HIS stuff NOT mine and I have no control over how he behaves, but I have a right not to get sucked into his grumps and let it ruin my day. I just went off an enjoyed all the flowers blooming in the garden. Eventually, he noticed I was gone and came out to find me. I told him that I was escaping from his irritable male menopausal mood, which got him laughing and lightened him up a bit.
Not much else to tell except we're continuing with all of the wedding planning.
Quote: I was escaping from his irritable male menopausal mood
Well is that the long awaited medical diagnosis to explain the cause of the WAW syndrome?! It sounds like us "guys" need a new specialist to see ... not like we can see a OB/GYN for this!
Hi Tal - I've got as far as the return to the pack thread - it is really good to see how you handled some of the similar issues, and get a heads-up on some that I could and should expect
Quote: So....I had to take a few deep breaths, tell myself that it is HIS stuff NOT mine and I have no control over how he behaves, but I have a right not to get sucked into his grumps and let it ruin my day.
This is where we are at this week. I alternate between thinking he is grumpy because he is in contact with OW, and wants more (like seeing etc) and he is grumpy because he is NOT in contact with OW, and has withdrawals... Probably neither, but there you go.
Good to see you able to laugh off the moods Slowly
KAW, yes, the dreaded Irritable Butthead Syndrome!
Slowly, I do have to share with you that Wolfie has a very different version of the whole separation now. He seems to have re-written much of it in his head as a time when I wouldn't let him come home. All that fence-sitting he did, but now, according to him, he was practically on hands and knees, begging and doing whatever it took to "win me back".
Ummmm...yeah...right...ok, Dude whatever you say! LOLOL!
My H always felt like he didn't get enough attention. I am dark now and wonder if it makes him feel unwanted. HOw do you find a balance between pursuing, being caring and going dark?
I asked because you said your H also felt unwanted. How long were you separated?
Well is that the long awaited medical diagnosis to explain the cause of the WAW syndrome?! 
It sounds like us "guys" need a new specialist to see ... not like we can see a OB/GYN for this! 
