It's not nice to keep us in suspense here ya know.
I can't believe you called OW's house...I'll bet she freakin flipped out when she heard that message. She probably went into a panic trying to reach your H to warn him that you'd called.
Sometimes our 'timing' sucks doesn't it. If you'd been a few minutes later in making that call, your H would have come in and the 'momentary crisis' would have been over.
Don't for one second feel bad about having called there. It's perfectly understandable that you got yourself all in a lather and for the first time actually 'acted out' on it.
Sh$t happens as they say and sometimes enough REALLY is enough.
T2-I still can't believe I did that, that I acted on my emotions like that and on the wrong day. I told H that I had called there, what I had said and then kind of laughed and said I wonder if she's nervous and hoping you get home. Then said OW will call you I'm sure and tell you all about it. H then made the comment "what if I would have been?" I said well then I would have been on my way over there. I told him I was very disappointed in myself for doing that and he said "why?" I responded "to do something like that."
H said to me you called the guy about the boat and then you called OW. He said so you don't trust me do you? I just kind of laughed and said "don't trust you" ummm where were you last Wednesday night? He then said again you don't trust me...I looked at him again and said "where were you last Wednesday night and then said that I had just called on the wrong night didn't I? H walked away mumbling..I don't care..he couldn't deal with the truth I guess.
H didn't seem too upset, I'm more upset with myself for doing it. I haven't "reacted" like that in a long, long time and it means I've kind of sunk to a new low.
I don't know what came over me last night, the stress, the anxiety, the whole state of things I don't know, "the devil made me do it" I guess.
I don't feel bad for OW, I hope did cause her some panic. Maybe she knows I'm getting tired of her crapp and that there is a possibility that somewhere down the road I will be making a visit to her
I just need to forgive myself, it's eating me up, for doing it and move on.
Cathy, Why not talk to H about trust when he says, "you don't trust me do you?"
Something like "H I WANT to trust you... but you make it incredibly difficult. I need you to do blah, blah, blah for me to trust you. We need trust so that we can move forward..."
Do you have the book After the Affair? It give you some strategies for talking. I know your H is a unique man, but maybe some of them would have an impact.
Instead of asking where he was, ask for what you want... where you want him to be.
JMHO... and you know where it's coming from...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
That's just it, I'm NOT PMSing. Is there such a thing as post-PMS as sometimes I do get reactive shortly after the flow.
For those of you who don't want to go back to my previous thread..here is the posts from last night. The first paragraph was earlier in the evening, the second was, well you'll get the picture...
Quote: Oh I don't know I'm having a mini-meltdown tonight. H said he was going to look at a boat after work and it was faster to go straight from work. Well I think he needs to drive right by OW's so I'm thinking he stopped there for awhile as he's not home yet. And it's not faster to go right from work either, I know that duhhh I'm so dumb sometimes, but I can't say anything to H either. I'm actually starting to cry and feel sorry for myself and wonder why me, why me.
Need to stop thinking those thoughts!!
OMG-I cracked I finally succombed and called the OW's house and left a message saying "H I know you're there, call me back or I'm on my way over there" and hung up. I called the guy who's boat H was supposed to be looking at and the guy said nobody's looked at and that's when I called the OW!
One minute later, H pulls into the garage. I quizzed him, he admitted to not looking at that boat but driving around to various other places. I said "Oh oh you're not going to believe what I did....lol...omg....I flipped out, I broke, the pressure overcame me and I reacted!! H kind of smiled and said what did you do. I haven't told him yet, he's playing with our S right now.
Help me, help me...I can't believe I'm laughing about it. The OW's going to think I flipped too..omg..omg...I wonder if she's hoping my H gets home soon!
Well I'm feeling a little better. There is something wrong with this picture to begin with anyway. That there is even an OW and that I should be worried about calling OW because my H is still seeing her...life.
No matter how well you know someone, you can always be surprised. People change, adapt and adjust to newly-developing circumstances. Sometimes too, they suddenly release tensions or anxieties that they have been secretly bottling up for years. We all have to be as patient and understanding of each other as we possibly can. And we have to be particularly careful about the judgements we reach and the opinions we form. None of us is immune from outbreaks of odd behaviour, from time to time. Go gently with you-know-who now. It isn't ALL their fault.
Also found this one:
Prepare to step into the outer limits of your subconscious for the next month. Rummage around in your warehouse of memories and come up with exactly what you want. Then all you'll have to do is formulate a plan.
I do need to focus on me. Too much of my thinking has been on OW and H...stop sign...back on me, thus the inner turmoil.
Stop beating yourself up over the call. It's done and over with. A moment of insanity on your part in an otherwise sane brain.
I too would stretch out the trust talk with your H. It is an opening for letting him know that you have trusted him for so long and the testing of that trust finally got to you. That you need for him to communicate with you in order to build up the trust level. That you need him to act in a way that deserves your trust. And you will do the same for him.
But hey - if he gets his undies in a bundle, then let him. He has pushed the limits of your R so much that you were bound to falter one time. You've learned that you don't like to feel that way so I doubt it will happen again.
Go hit a bucket of balls and alternate saying "take that" with "I won't do it again". How is that for your "punishment"! LOL!
Have a great day. You are incredibly strong!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
