I've heard this book mentioned by a lot of folks here, so I decided to check it out. (Note: This ain't a plug and I didn't buy the book...and I have bought both DR and SSM.)
As I read it, the basic premise is that everyone has a love tank that gets filled by one of the following: Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch
I would say that my primary LL is Words of Affirmation followed by Physical Touch. The other things are not things I need to feel loved.
But when it comes to my WAW...I have always gotten the feeling that she wants all 5, depending on her mood. If I was doing one of them, then she was angry that I wasn't doing another one of them.
For those who've read the entire book, and spent some time thinking about, what thoughts do you have for me?
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
I think she may be AOS, just from the sounds of it. She won't be all five. You really need to get the book and read it for yourself.
I think she is Acts of Service because getting her a gift, having a conversation, ML, vacumming the floor... all of those things could be seen as an AOS.
I'm not sure about the AOS because that's most of what I've done...honestly. I think she's Words of Affirmation too because she needs constant validation/attention. Just like me....
What's sad is that I think we are both a lot alike. We both want to feel loved more than anything in the world...and we've done lots of things that have made us both feel unloved. Right now...I think WAW feels too hurt to forgive herself and forgive me.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
I have to disagree. I think it is possible to be "quint-lingual" without being selfish.
IMHO, anyway. Both my H and myself have all 5 LLs. But, I definitely have PT as a #1 and WofA as #2, with the others following not to far behind, but definitely not #1 or #2. My H is the same virtually.
Perhaps you have just not hit on the #1 or done it consistently. How, when things were good, did she express her love for you? That should be here primary LL. If you can't figure it out, then talk to her family if possible and see how they think they best describe their LLs. I talked to my MIL and she helped me to decipher H's LLs based on the way she showed him love when he was a child. She was dead on. PT (hugs) followed by WofA (ILY) followed by AofS (cooking for him) followed by QT (she worked two jobs but would take off for him and his brother occasionally) followed by gifts (they were poor, but small gifts were frequent.)
Following this line of reasoning you can see how someone can have all 5 LLs. It's just in how you are raised.
I have spent a lot of effort trying to figure out my W's LLs and have come to the conclusion that it is all based on tea. She wants me to love her by making her cups of tea on demand (or better still she wants me to initiate with the teapot at least half of the time). When I am a good boy (maybe 2 or three times a week) she will make me a cup and bring it to me with a smile. I then assume that she loves me although because it is not in my love language it doesn't really feel like that but I make that assumption because Corri told me to. When I try to communicate my feelings in my own love language and whisper in her ear "You're gorgeous, I love you", what she hears is "The last cup you made was a particularly tasty brew, dear. Thank you". What I am attempting to do (over the next 6 months say) is to gradually change our love life from being tea based to being sex based. Do you think I'm in with a chance? (They are both three letter words so it shouldn't be a particularly big change surely). SD
So what do the two of you do with your cups o'tea? Do you just stand there and sip your tea and nibble on your biscuits, or do you chat while drinking tea? Does she take her tea cup and go watch the telly and leave you standing there after dutifully making her tea?
Well I'm a dunker Corri and I'm particularly partial to Chocolate HobNobs. She is more into savouries but you can’t really dunk Pringles. Of course the butler used to bring us tea on a silver tray until we fell on ‘ard times. SD up far too late on this forum again (1:22 am).
