Howdy all! It's been a whirlwind few days and although it was great to have a break from the BB, get to Seattle and meet my buddies (Seattle Hopeful, Triple J and Myrrh), it's good to be home again. Seattle, thanks for your cab services (and you know I owe you for you-know-what ); same goes to Triple J and our resident sweetie, Myrrh. I have met some WONDERFUL people on this BB.
Berto, I think Merrick addressed his thoughts on VA Beach in his own thread. He's given his loyalty to the AVs for the rest of the playoffs, so I will respectfully decline hounding him. I hope you all have fun, though! Shouldn't be too difficult to keep up here--not too much going on.
Holding On--Mr. Wonderful has received a good dose of me moving on all along. I have a great group of friends, supportive family members on both sides (I got a beautiful letter via e-mail from my FIL this morning), and the greatest kids on the planet (what good is a mom who won't toot their kids' horns?). I've always been fiercely independent, and my attitude reflects this--good or bad.
I'll catch you guys up with MC and following. The session was good. Bottom line is that MC feels that I must issue a directive to Mr. W., asking for a time when he will give me a decision. He feels this has been sitting out in limbo for long enough as well.
After he asked me to rewrite the letter from the POV of asking questions, I thought about it a great deal. So on my way to the airport on Friday, I called Mr. W. in the office. We had a few housekeeping details to address and clear, and then I brought up the issue--from a questioning standpoint.
Nicely, I stated that I would like some resolution and that either way he chooses, I will accept the outcome and we will work on whatever path he chooses so that everyone can live happily. I also let him know that since he was the one to initiate this separation, he would be responsible for making the decision on how this story ends. But that the ending must come soon. He didn't say much, but agreed with me and restated the fact that he doesn't want to divorce.
I returned home after a turbulent flight and a long wait on the tarmac to find my loved ones bundled in my bed watching a movie. D7 was pretty aloof, but D10 was happy to see me. Even Mr. W. had a sincere smile on his face.
I noticed that he did a lot of yardwork while I was gone--fertilizing, mowing, thatching, clearing out dead branches on our aspens. This morning, I see he left a copy of a paint contract to repaint the exterior of the house (which is in dire need). Since he didn't ask me about it and went ahead, should I see this as encouraging? I don't know.
I still don't know the details of D10's attitude this past weekend. Mr. W. invited Gary over for a BBQ on Saturday night and she locked herself in the bedroom for the duration. I'll get to the bottom of things with her, because I don't want this to the the M.O. when I head out of town.
Mer and Pam--Please feel free to jump in anytime!
Briget--I'm saving the most important for last. I'm guessing that the reason your H doesn't feel at home in your house is because of the guilt that being there invokes. I used to hear the same comment from Mr. Wonderful, and it was months before he admitted that being in our house made him extremely sad and regretful.
Perhaps a reminder of what they were throwing away?
About you moving on... is this a 180 for you? Or have you always been the independent one who hangs tough? We may have to tweak this a little bit, depending on your feedback.
So that's it from my part of the ocean for now. I'll try to be back later.
Just keep swimming!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Okay, time for a brief update before I don the spandex and head to the gym. Happy to report that even after a weekend of totally overindulging, my weight remained steady. Back to the grind today! 18 lbs and continuing the march...
I think the phone convo and my trip to Seattle have got Mr. Wonderful's wheels turning. He phoned me after our morning sales meeting just to see how my weekend went. He seemed genuine and sincere and I have to say here (before God, men and BB friends) that this is a distinct departure from the norm of the past 18 months.
He also volunteered the answer as to why D10 wigged out on Saturday by barricading herself in the bedroom for 2+ hours. He said after Gary left that she let him in. He asked her to be honest with him, and I guess she decided to let him into her heart.
She told him that she gets very jealous when he has friends over. I guess she mentioned to him that his friends ignore her and act like she's just a piece of furniture--whereas my friends include her in convos and activities. She told him it makes her feel invisible.
He told me this with a sad lilt to his voice. Since he offered this info to me of his own volition, I'm ASSuming that this newfound information is bothering him. As well it should.
As my Seattle faring friends know, Seattle holds some matrimonial significance for us. Two years ago, I made a solo adventure trip to Seattle with one specific purpose: to justify my decision to leave Mr. Wonderful. I came home with a different answer, and he--of all people--knows what I had set out to do. Nobody was more surprised than he (well, me) to hear that I had decided to stay--telling him that leaving was not the answer, though I didn't know how to go about fixing what was broken.
He's seemed more concerned about this trip to Seattle than any other trip I've made recently. I wonder if it's something that forced him to feel the anxiety he felt almost 2 years ago?
I don't know.
Anyway, I'm glad I could avoid sending him that letter by addressing this stuff with him on the phone instead. For the first time, I think he hears the clock ticking.
Meredith--I'm thinking of you so much I'm getting a headache. I hope your evening went better than your day. Pam--missing you too.
That's it for now. Have a good night.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsy, In fact my being independent is the biggest 180 for me.
I have been very scared to try things.I lived my life in fear of everything under the sun.
In October it will be two years since I had my historectomy.I was so scared to have the surgery I let some heavy bleeding go on for 10 months.I still wouldn't have the surgery even thought my I was so anemic I needed to have a tranfushion.I was so scared of that I even refused that.What I'm saying is I was choosing to die rather than deal with what I feared.My iron count got to 22.When I finally agreed to have the surgery we lived in mississipi.The day I was sceduled to have the surgery they cancelled all surgerys except emmergacy surgerys and mine because a tropical storm was coming. But what came out of that was me.I now have very few fears and I will never be ruled by them. Ilearned that what I feared wasn't as bad as I thought it was.So now if I'm afraid of something I'm more likely to try it just forthe hell of it.
I aways say the woman who went into that operatating room is not the same one who came out.But my husband can't see it and won't.He says he see the changes but he will not come back and takes great joy in being free from me.
So this new found independace is not going away.
He says the things in the house remind him of the bad marriage we had.I can't fight that.And I no longer want to.I quit.If he wants out he's got it.I'm going to save myself and lose him.and it is a fair trade. Later Friend Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
Briget--What wonderful news! If being independent is a 180 for you, it's good for a lot of reasons. First and foremost: you feel more in control of yourself and your circumstances. Second: you are giving yourself a big dose of self confidence and self esteem. Last but not least: your H won't be able to see you as weak and timid.
Briget, I know how hard this is for you--you have had to make a lot of changes over the past year. You have 5 kids to raise and nuture. You've had to go back to work. And you've managed to find time to placate the masses here.
NOBODY could ask more from you. Well, if they did, they would be unreasonable.
If you're the only person here who imagines revenge on someone, I'll eat my shorts. However, I sense that you know that it's a waste of energy.
So what can you do? Well, more feel good stuff. Things that make Briget feel whole and alive. Things that have nothing to do with other people. How about a game of pool? I bet you could kick my butt with a blindfold on.
You know that I'm totally cheering for what you said:
Quote: If he wants out he's got it. I'm going to save myself and lose him.and it is a fair trade.
You're incredibly intelligent too. Did I fail to mention that earlier? If so, let me remind you.
Take care, friend.
Betsey
p.s. Pam, where the heck are you?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
D10 just told me that she asked her dad if he was going to MC with me next Thursday? He told her, "Well, I'm going to your donuts with Dad that morning (like that has any bearing on a 6:30 pm appt?) and have promised Gary that I would bowl for him. So I guess not."
Who wants to bet what he thinks is more important than reconciling?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Big hugs from the Gripman. I decide to venture into the now foreign DB pool (you know with summer coming up I better start working on that natural tan) and catch up with some of my amigos/amigas. Darn it, it has been long enough for me to forget how to use these blasted happy faces on my Mac! Please forgive my faceless electronic tirade.
I hope life is well for my fav superhero and wish you the best. Continue giving the girls your best as aways. You are a super person.
Life is well for the Gripman, I have continued my spiritual and personal solo journey.
Well, I am going head to Zzzz's land. Take care, God bless, and feel free to write.
Hi, all. I'm here, Betsey, I'm here. I'm just a little weary, that's all.
First of all, Briget, you are incredible. I know I told you on your thread how amazed I am at how much you've changed. Well, let me be a little more detailed here. I remember reading one of your first posts. My first instinct? I am going to be honest here, but, bear with me, as it gets better... My first instinct was: She'll never make it. And, I didn't like you. I guess it was that whole thing about not wanting to work. I was thinking, yes, it sucks, but you have no choice here!
O.K., Briget, I am very opinionated, so forgive me that one.
But, I saw a little spark in you that kept me going back to read more. You were trying to learn to drive, you started working, you started going out.
It was then that I realized what a fighter you were, and I began to really like you a lot.
Now, if I, a total stranger, can see the changes in you, I'm sure your H can too. Maybe it scares him, who knows? Maybe it will take a lot longer for it to sink in.
As for him not feeling at home because the things in the house remind him of the bad marriage...well, all you can do is agree. And then sweetly say, "and I would never want a marriage like that again either."
I'm guessing he feels entitled to this OW because he feels as though you abandoned him with your illness. He was neglected, so he went to find some attention.
You can't change the past, but you can work to change his opinion of you.
I'm really sorry about his upcoming trip to CA. I know things like this make you want to quit, but you're not a quitter, Briget!
When is your next counseling app't? How often do you go, and how many more do you have?
I've only read about the one so far. Have there been others?
Keep focusing on you. I wish more people could be like you. You're going to be fine, Briget. No matter what. I know that it is scary at times, but keep moving forward. And, do it for you. If the marriage works, great. But don't let that be your only goal. Look at it as a benefit instead.
And, thank you for proving me wrong!
Second of all, Betsey, this weariness has me not liking the board too much. Oh, there are a few bright spots, but not enough. I guess I don't actively seek them out like you do. You do seem to find some really special people. I think I'm just in a "funk." Things here are fine, so it's not that. I don't have it in me to be an "arfer." (arfing seal..you know...) I was hoping for more give and take on how to be the best person you can be. What I see is a lot of people chasing their tails and then wondering why they are not getting anywhere. Am I just too impatient? Sure, I'll agree that for the first little bit that wallowing seems the only option. But, at some point it needs to go beyond that.
I feel heartless for thinking this. But, I can't deny who I am.
People should read Briget...over and over and over. And, of course, you too, Betsey. These are 2 examples of how to overcome adversity and make yourself a better person.
Thanks for the morning brightener! Sorry about Thursday, but I sent you an e-mail on another approach that I don't mind listing here. Rather than proceed with official D, maybe you can tell Mr. W that you are meeting with your priest to discuss the process of annulment. Perhaps H will have his own views on this and laugh at it--but it also is a way to send your seriousness about moving forward without him outside the official legal process. In addition, within the religious context it may be less threatening--but no less sobering. It's something I'm thinking about in my own situation. Just a thought. Later dude!
); same goes to Triple J and our resident sweetie, Myrrh. I have met some WONDERFUL people on this BB. 
