I have not posted in a while but I have been checking in from time to time just to see if there is anything else I can use for my situation. Today, I am just posting some thoughts to help get them off my mind.
It is kind of strange/sad/good/frustrating. You get to a point where you are doing all you can do, know all you can know, and have grown all you can grow, when it comes to a situation like this. The only thing left to do is to work and to wait.
My LD spouse has made some pretty big strides in regards to this situation, as have I. Unfortunately, that pesky little "desire" thing is still absent. For me, and she knows this, desire is really what it all boils down to.
Can someone make themselves "desire" their partner in a sexual way? Barring the repair of a hormone imbalance or medical problem, I am beginning to think "not likely."
I am extremely proud of my LD spouse as well as myself for all the growing we have done. Our relationship is better in every single way than it ever has been, except for sex. As long as I don't make a big deal out of sex (read...ever mention the fact that I am unhappy with the current situation) then everything goes just great. Discuss it, and my wife feels pressure. Pressure is a subject that LD folks seem to mention a lot. I really don't understand how this perceived pressure can cause them to cave in and withdraw. It makes me wonder how a person can get through life if they can't deal with and manage their own pressure. I know the feelings are real, but it is starting to sound more and more like laziness and fear to me, rather than pressure.
I recently have answered a very big question for myself, "Is lack of a fulfilling sex life reason enough to end a marriage?" My answer was yes.
CeMar has a thread about what if desire never comes....well....you can only wait so long. The biggest decision I have to make now is "how long?".
Sorry this was such a jumbled mess of thinking....
It is very sad to see so many new people on this board. Good luck guys and gals....if you are here....you gonna need it!
Quote: I recently have answered a very big question for myself, "Is lack of a fulfilling sex life reason enough to end a marriage?" My answer was yes.
Sorry to hear this. Especially because it sounds like she's coming through by being your "vessel" and that what really is lacking is "desire." That seems to be the breaking point for a lot of HDs. That's when, I think, it's okay to start taking things personally.
Things will work out for you...one way or another. Solidarity, my friend.
I don't really consider being a "vessel" an example of "coming through"...well....unless, of course, you spell "coming" differently. ;-)
My wife is working on our intimacy but she just doesn't seem to want to work on the desire part. She seems to be holding on to the idea that, if she just grits her teeth and offers up "da pooty," a couple times a month, everything will work out fine. This just makes my skin crawl.....
