Hi, I'm starting anew. I started reading a book and its study guide. The book is called, "Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free," and the study book is called, "Walking in the Truth," by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It's about how we are like Eve and are told lies by the devil and doubt God. So far, I really like it.
I'm beginning to wonder if I belong here on the bb. Do some of you think that I don't because there is no OW or separation? I think my M could be fine if I would just let it. Though my h is acting like he wants to be with me forever (still), he has yet to say it. I would like to think that someday I can feel confident in myself and secure in our R. I know it all comes down to me.
Yet, the hump/wall remains. I feel unable to get around it/over it. If I could just trust myself and my own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, I would be able to. I am stuck in thinking, feeling and believing what my parents, family, and society tell me. I'm so afraid/reluctant to believe in the goodness of people, my h, myself, and God.
I'm thinking about you all. I have a hard time knowing what to say when people are in sit's that I have no experience with, but I at least try to say hi.
Things have been decent. H & I have spent some time together, some apart. I climbed on Monday, he auditioned a drummer tuesday. He left me a vm saying he thought he was going out last night, then i made din. plans, then he changed his mind. He sounded pretty depressed on the phone, but then when I got home, I tried to Bob Barker him and he was in a much better mood. We went for a walk before I went to din. I thought for sure he'd re-decide to go out but he didn't. So, when I got home, I suggested . We seem to have different flirting ideas and I still feel a little put off by his. How to get on the same page?
I thought that one thing I should do is stop acting like sex is FOR me and that I wanted to share with HIM and do for HIM. So I asked if I could squeeze him later. He said (as he does a lot), "if you're nice." I tried to laff and make light of it and joked back that I had been nice for several days now...and what about him? He said he's always nice. OK, dammit, so he is...Guess I feel guilty/insecure/etc.??? so, I took a shower and he quite willingly came to bed early. (I wondered if I was going to be in competition with Law & Order, and geared myself to not be upset if he wanted to watch it first.)
It was great, but my mind kept wandering...not like me...He has been more non-verbally about requesting somethings from me (NO, NOT head pushing!!!-ya know there are two types of guys, right? Head-pushers and non-head-pushers...) and I did the same. I am trying not to be selfish, but yet, "nudging him along" as far as some things that might turn me on more! He is very receptive!
He is still somewhat subdued beit b/c of me/us or his back, the weather, etc., but I'm hanging in there, trying to take care of myself and not rely on him totally.
I'd say if you think you belong here, you do! There's no OW for us either, and dh is living at his parents, but I confess that sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not having a very hard time of it compared to many people here. I'd say if people are posting on your thread, you belong!
MOm, I guess that's the thing-I don't get a lot of responses. I try to keep up with a handful of you-like you I am always reading...I don't always have time to write. I'm sneaking now b/c there is noone in my row for a month! But, I wonder if I am doing something wrong, if you guys think I'm a bi!ch or what.?? thanks! karen
I don't think people think that at all. But I've noticed that if I'm not posting on my own thread, people usually don't post to me. Then there's the fact that most of us are still coping with the latest bombs..
Try not to take it personally.
Take care,
Betsey
p.s. Like the name of your new thread.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey Karen, I think you are a lovely, caring lady with a fabulous personality and definately not a bi*** (tho we all have to ability to BE one...don't we ladies???LOL). I post to you when I feel like I have decent input...otherwise I just read. You take care. Your book sounds really interesting. Think I might try that one. God bless! Debi
. We seem to have different flirting ideas and I still feel a little put off by his. How to get on the same page? 
God bless!