Need a little advice. I am back at home for 4 days. The friends I am staying with are getting out of town company and I didn't want to be there interrupting their lives any more than I already have.
I called my W yesterday morning and asked to stay at the house. As kind as she could be, she said, "that's fine". She has noticed my 180s, because she commented on them about 2 weeks ago. Since then I have had only 1 backslide when she asked if I would mind if she went for a walk. I said "of course I mind, but go ahead". Meaning I wanted her at home with me. She didn't go. We have had no R talk and have both been as kind as can be toward each other, just as friends, I have given her the freedom to do whatever she wants (except the above) and have told her to have fun and enjoy herself whenever she goes. I am home everyday after work and leave after the kids go to bed. 8:00 - 9:00 pm
My question is, I know I need to give her space, during these 4 days, but I also want to spend time with D5 and D7. Part of our sitch is that I was doing my own thing, when she desperatley wanted to do things as a family. I was deaf dumb and blind to her needs. I would love to go with her and the family for just a fun day somewhere, but don't want to make her feel pressured because I am going to be around more these next 4 days. Kind of too much too soon.
I want her to feel as comfortable as she can around me during this stretch and hopefully I can make my house, my home again in the future.
I pray daily for the strength and guidance of God. I know that I am doing the right thing for everyone. I also pray for those of you here on the BB. You are all great inspirations to alot of people that you've never met. THAT is an answer to a prayer!
I would make plans to take your kids out without her, and then ask simply if she wants to go. If so, good, if not, fine. Then, you are doing things as a family and it's her choice if she wants to go or not.
Also may impress her if you make the plans. Not sure if that's a 180 for you.
Rott's right. Make some plans for you and the kids and let her know that she's welcome to come IF she wouldn't prefer the few hours to herself....that way you're offering her some 'kid free' time AND giving her the option of 'family' time as well...you allow the choice to participate, HERS to make and YOU become the 'good guy'!
Do something fun that'll keep the kids busy for several hours and maybe even poop them out a little so they go to bed on time T2
