It's worth mentioning that there's more than one kind of HD and more than one kind of man. CeMar's advice is great if your husband is like CeMar, but just a little off the mark if your husband is like me.
Quote: As far as the sex goes, relaize that if he is HD, then sex IS HIS LIFE. It literally is part of his soul.
Well, it's a REALLY REALLY big part of my life. But there actually are other things that are just as important as sex. If I could have sex with my wife every day, but had to have a fight with her every day in exchange, I'd be celibate. If I had to cheat on her to have sex, I'd be celibate - well son of a gun, I am right now, and have been for 6 years. If I had to sell my daughters to have sex with my wife, I would be celibate. If I had to do chores - that's negotiable, I'll sign up right now!
But sex is certainly #1 on my list of frustrations.
Quote: Sex to a HD man is like communication to a LD wife.
Hmmmm....if I had to give up being able to talk to my wife in order to have sex, I'd be celibate, but man, there are some choices you shouldn't have to make.
Quote: If he had a bad day, you would probably think, I should sit and listen to his problems. WRONG!! Most likely he would prefer SEX.
Well, I'd still like to talk about my problems, but maybe after sex ;->
Quote: Men are VISUALLY oriented (SEX) and not VERBALLY oriented(Communication). He would want to...
Well, there's a lot of variety among men. I'm very kinaesthetic, tactile, and auditory, very intuitive, and very verbal. Doesn't stop me from being an off-the-Richter-scale HD. But I'm not really all that visual. I'd rather have my wife in a silk nightie than in a thong (I also think a silk nightie looks better ;-> ).
What I was listing was the average HD guy. Every guy is different and could actually have a different priority to their needs. Here are the AVERAGE man and womans needs according to Dr. Harley:
Women #1 Affection Man #1 Sexual Fulfillment Woman #2 Conversation Man #2 Recreational Companionship Woman #3 Honesty and Openness Man #3 Physical Attractiveness Woman #4 Financial Support Man #4 Domestic Support Woman #5 Family Commitment Man #5 Admiration
My own top five differs from the list above, as mine are: #1 Sexual Fullfillment #2 Affection #3 Recreational Companionship #4 Domestic Support #5 Attractiveness
I would bet that you would put communication much higher on your list.
Quote: tryingtochange: What you and your husband need to do is identify your needs for each other. You also need to eliminate any habits that are problems for the other spouse. THE GOAL IS A GREAT MARRIAGE, NOT GREAT SEX. Great sex is part of a great marriage, but your goal need to be bigger for both of you.
Wow CeMar, you've really given me a lot to think about. And you are right on the money regarding a great marriage. If it's not a package deal, then it's really besides the point.
You probably need him to communicate, share feelings, and spend quality time with you ALONE. Tell him!
Ok, don't hate me for saying this. But it's the opposite for us. I'm really not a "tell me your deepest darkest secret and let's bond" kind of girl. I like to be alone by myself to recharge my batteries (no not those, the internal ones). And H is more the one to talk about feelings etc. But I am and have been for awhile working on that also.
Tell him you want to make this journey TOGETHER. It is a journey that you never will finish, their is always more to learn. Great marriages require work to make them go.
It's interesting but, I once asked an 80 year old woman how she managed to stay married for so long. Her advice is something I think about every day. "I have never once thought about divorce, murder yes, divorce no." This has served me well.
In effect we measure ourselves as men by weather we can please our "Lovers". If we feel we are not "Desired" by our "Lovers", then we have failed at life, we are not the men that we need to be. It shatters our self confidence.
This took me awhile to wrap my head around, but now I realize how very true it is.
Quote: . I'd rather have my wife in a silk nightie than in a thong (I also think a silk nightie looks better ;-> ).
Jonathan
Amen Brother, and we don't have to suck it in as much either. It's much easier to try to be sexy when your not worried about passing out from lack of air. Just my .02
Quote: Ok, don't hate me for saying this. But it's the opposite for us. I'm really not a "tell me your deepest darkest secret and let's bond" kind of girl. I like to be alone by myself to recharge my batteries (no not those, the internal ones). And H is more the one to talk about feelings etc.
Yep. Same as my wife and me - I'm the talker, she feels like were together if we're just reading in the same room at the same time, and like we're bonding if we share the chores in the house. There's a basic symbolism there that means a lot more to her than it does to me.
One way I've adapted is subscribing to Netflix and getting a couch in front of the T.V. so we can cuddle together and watch a movie. Alas, our 16-year-old daughter has decided to become cuddly too and join us on the couch...I think it's good for her to have cuddly warm contact, and I'm not pushing her away, but I do like it a bit more when I can watch a film alone with my wife ;->
