H just told me that I put too much emphasis toward ML because I don't have anything else to do. I know this is a blame game but I had to admit he had a point. My kids don't need as much anymore. I have great friends but most have younger kids. I keep to myself quite a bit. H said I am getting boring. Ok, I am willing to accept that about myself. So.. believe it or not.... tonight I signed up for a fencing class. Always wanted to do it. Maybe H is right. I have forgotten who I am.
Fencing...how cool! I am the LD spouse in our R. I have several interests outside the family (no kids yet, just me and H and the dog). I am a member of a women's service organization and I take a yoga class once a week at our park district. H and I bowl once a week in a league and I occasionally sub on another league when my friend needs an extra person for his team.
If anything, H and I could be accused of spending too much time away from home so we don't feel like we have to work on our R....
I'm wondering why you made this question gender-specific? It sounds to me like your H is hoping you'll "channel" some of your energy in other ways, and stop "bothering" him for sex. I'm the HD in my M, and I have LOTS of interests, always have, but would ML 24/7 if W would. I took up a steady hobby about 3 years ago, aeromodeling, and the funny thing was that for the first couple of years, W actually objected to this. She seemed to resent the time I spent with it, even though I still spent plenty of time with her and the kids. The time I spend with her is mostly in front of the TV. Last year we were in C, and the C also found it strange that W had such objections to an innocent hobby, so W dropped it - she doesn't complain about it any more...
I'm the HD in the marriage. I don't have much in the way of interests outside the marriage or house but over the past 2 years have started to. I have been feeling trapped. I was never 'allowed' to do anything that wasn't 'together'. We have had to do everything together and it has burned me out. I work all day (at home) while she gets to do what she wants (hobbies, hobby based home business). I also have to take care of things for her business. At the end of my work day, i'm beat and need some time for myself. Well, she's had all day for her time and now wants the rest of the day with me. On top of not even having vacations, rarely seeing family, being cut off from friends, and the SSM, it all boiled up inside me. I would say i'm not focused on sex but more like the lack of it. Interestingly enough, although W has decided to 'turn around', we have ML twice in 2 weeks and she has been a bit more affectionate, i am not very interested most of the time in increasing the sex. Some of this is from AD medication, but in general, i'm not sure that is will make any difference to me now.
I am HD in my M. We have dogs that I show and do other stuff with, and we both belong to the breed club and do events with them. I also go out with friends dancing and parties, mostly alone, because he would rather just stay home and watch TV which I do not care for. He does go sometimes with me, but in the past 5 years or so I have just given up on him going and go when I want to. This is second M for both of us and both have grown children, so its just he, I and the 3 (4 legged kids) at home.
Still, if we had a satisfying relationship I would stay home, but I do not consider sitting in front of the TV watching Sci-fi an evening of fun.
I think its great you are getting a little hobby/interest on the side. I signed up for a belly dancing class which starts next tuesday night
My wife is ND, and she loves to be busy. She teaches, coaches, officiates, has 3 boys all into sports, walks everyday, rund the house, reads most days, will do just about anything, to avoid having to be intimate with me.
On her list of thngs she wants to do, sex is about 6,531 on the list. My guess is that LD spouses look for things to keep them away from sex.
Katie: My W (LD) was taking some Buddhism classes awhile ago, but since has decided that they eat into time she would rather spend with DD, and with me. I, HD, have no real interests. I want to get back into sailing, but it is so expensive. With 4 kids, 3 dogs, etc., there seems to be no time for anything. Hairdog, who wonders why anyone would take a class on fencing, when there are so many companies who put up fences quite well.
Like CeMar, my LDW is a busy-body. She will burn herself out each day and then, for the very little bit of quality time we get to have together, she is nothing but a bloody carcass whose meat has been picked off all day long by everyone she deals with including my D5. One might feel bad for me because they would assume that I evenings are our only option because of work etc. But I freakin' work at home. Between 1 and 2 pm, she watches All My F'in Children, then at night, it's more TV. I'm starting to really resent the TV but even more, I'm seriously resenting the fact that it gets more attention than I do. Oh well, I'm about to hop into my journal and rant a bunch.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Katie, I have tons of interests outside of my marriage. I have done one or another type of arts and crafts for years - since I was a kid! I paint folkart, faux finishes, do ceramics, cross stitch, crochet; I love to cook, read, and am an avid genealogist and teach an adult bible class at my church.
I have plenty to keep me occupied but all of the arts and crafts, afghan making, digging for dead relatives ( as exciting as all of that can be!!!) does not take the place of making love with my husband!
I am all for taking classes to improve oneself. Fencing sounds like a blast. I took classes a few years back on calligraphy and then handwriting analysis. Both classes were enjoyable and I learned something useful and interesting. Neicie144
Sorry I made the question gender specific. I am not used to having both sexes to talk to about this issue. I apolygize. I knew when my husband suggested this that he was trying to "not talk about the subject at hand" but I thought I'd ask anyway. So nice to hear all the responses. By the way, started the fencing class. Oh my God, I can barely walk today. Instructor had us in the "on guard" (Spelling) position for 45 minutes of the 1 hour class. If nothing else I will have great looking thighs after this class. And, it was so much fun. Thanks for all your responses. Thanks as usual for all your help. P.S. I know this has nothing to do with SSM but my S is doing a report on Len Bias. Does anyone know his date of birth? Can't find it anywhere on the internet. Thanks, Katie
