HoneyPot,
I understand what you're saying-- but don't think it applies in my case. I did not know I was HD, technically I was still a virgin. He was a real ladies man, the one who had lots more experience sexually... So he was not wowed by my experience. Things changed-- in part, when he became sober but I don't think that was the only factor. Mostly I think it was a passive aggressive way to control me.
Nah, this was NOT a safe guy when I met him... I thought I was on very dangerous turf. Typically, I have a weakness for bad guys. But with age and experience and tears, I've learned that I want him to be bad with me and me alone.
On a happy note, I have no trouble being attracted to the HD men you mention, that's my "type". Now that I'm old enough that most men my age have a history, I'm just a little leery of those whose history includes habitual cheating. I guess I want it all-- someone who will make love with me, but not with others.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
My sitch is not as dire as it may have seemed from my post. W & I have been going to couseling for 3 months. I can't say that I've seen much progress, but we are talking about our issues on a regular basis, which is a good thing.
Quote: I was fully convinced that it is the honorable thing to do the eyes of my family, friends and marriage vows.
I'm still in this mode. Perhaps because I think there is a reasonable hope for us.
Quote: If she (like in my case) thinks that the marriage is already great, then you need to go to plan B. which is to also include that you won't stick around for anything less.
Fortunately W does not this everything is great between us. She initially approached me about MC. And I wholeheartedly agreed. And I have told her in a C session, the a fear of mine is that the pain of our situation could grow to the point where I perceived that D would be less painful that staying. I have no doubt my life would be painful without her. She is an awesome mother and wife in almost everyway except for providing the intimacy I need. Fortunately I don't have the allure of other women flirting/hitting on me. I never have been the type that gets that reaction from women. If I did I could see my sitch being much for painful.
