LD/H told me last night that he doesn't want to read the book. I told him that I was out of ideas and the next move was his. Probably the wrong thing to say on the wrong night since March Madness started and St. Joes proved much more interesting than discusing the LD/HD problem with the W. I am going back to read the book again and see what I can do to help this situation. Does this frustration ever leave you? Does this level of sadness ever leave? How do you start to fix a problem that one spouse refuses to believe it there?
The very first thing that is necessary to solving a problem is to first recognize that there is a problem. If one spouse refuses to believe that there even is a problem, I doubt much improvement is possible. It took me a very long time to get W to agree that we have a problem - I think the real temptation for the LD spouse is to believe that they do not have a problem (unless it is that WE are too demanding!). As you already know, this is the very FIRST thing that Michele's book says to the LD spouse - if your SPOUSE has a problem, YOU have a problem. So I think this is the first thing you need to concentrate on, unfortunately. He needs to see that a problem for ONE is a problem for BOTH, and that BOTH have a responsibility to do what is necessary to resolve it. The responsibility is to each other, and this is the whole thing that marriage is based on!
Katie! Welcome to the group no one wants to belong to. I have a few things to say, as a fellow HD spouse.
1. Sex is really, really important to me, but tonight, KU is playing in the NCAA Tournament, and I'd have to think twice is my W miraculously said to me, "Let's go upstairs and do the horizontal bop." I'd probably compromise, turn on the tv in the bedroom, and, do it doggie-style so we both could watch it. Wait....visual daydream...ML with my W while watching KU win...Can anyone say HEAVEN???
sorry, got distracted there.
2. I guess we'd all like to know some more info, such as ages, length of marriage, kids, how bad is the ML sitch, did it used to be good, is there possibly a physical problem with him, are there some body-image issues, etc. The more info you give us "experts" here, the better we can target the advice.
3. If he doesn't want to read the book, you probably can't make him. Duh.
4. Don't give up hope. Never give up.
5. There are a few success stories here, but there are probably more stories where it didn't work out. But you might be one of the potential successes.
Hairdog: Thank you so much, that was the best laugh I have gotten in a long while. Ok I will admit also, If my H miraculously wanted me during a Penn State football game I'd probably do the same. (Although I think he would be afraid, I get pretty excited when PS plays.) And KU?? I thought they lost to UAB last weekend? Yes I am Female!! Background: Married 17 years, 2 kids, both 40, sex was never great but at least he seemed interested. Now almost nothing. Physical problem? He went to DR, given Viagra. It is still in original package. I love him very much and believe he feels the same. He often says I am his best friend. Just has little to no interest in sex. Thanks again. Katie
As CeMar will attest, we have little sympathy for, and even less understanding of LD Males. WTF is up with that? If I had a motivated W, we'd be doing it as often as she'd put up with it. I doubt she'd wear ME out.
How often do you guys ML? What would be your goal? Does he show affection in other ways? Do you cuddle?
Another great resource besides the SSM book is a book called the Five Love Languages. You've probably seen it mentioned if you've trolled around here. What are your LLs and what are your H's?
Hi, welcome. Hairdog is supposed to be the resident lawyer (or did I get you mixed up with someone else HD? Dunno, its been 8 months since H and I ML so my brain's gone all fuzzy) but like I said Hairdog is supposed to be the resident lawyer (and you can get free advice off him here ) but he is also the resident joker .
Katie, how old are your kids by the way and are you working? More details would help to analyse your sitch.
) but he is also the resident joker 
.