Shay - I am reminded of something I read last night in a book about obsessive compulsive disorder (which is not the same as anorexia but there are a lot of similarities and overlap).
The book made the distinction betwee a lapse, a relapse, and a collapse. To me, your H's behavior here falls somewhere between a lapse and a relapse - so don't make it into a collapse. Setbacks are normal. Recognize that (and helping him recognize that) and be aware that you don't have to go all the way back to square one.
Ellie, He called it a relapse I think. amen- no collapse Although I am feeling really weak, I will try. I really struggle with infidelity- it is the one thing that I thought would never happen to me. Makes me feel cheap. But I can live for today and when H levels out I will too. What do I tell him for the R? I want a faithful partner. I want him to work on himself- he doesnt like himself and I said that he cant love me if he hates himself. He says ILU and I care about you . Why doesnt it feel like that>? I want him to see a therapist. What kind? I want to have fun and learn to communicate better? Shay
Careful!!! No therapy is better than bad therapy! Make sure whoever he sees is pro-marriage and pro-antidepressants and won't just tell him he needs to "be free and find himself".
There are so many- he left one that told him OR was over on the second visit.!!! I am going to see her first before I even mention it. Cant decide if I see her of we both go? We are supposed to go to Retrovaille in May. I just dont know .... what to think any more. Shay
Hi everyone- just an update and journaling and hopefully if anyone has any comments I can learn from- post away!
well, H got his medicine and one is anti-d. H said he would start them today. We watched Xavier beat Texas with our D7 at a bar in our neighborhood- we were very affectionate and maybe a little healing. H would put his arm around me alot. When we got home he said we should talk tom- as in today- and decide what to do. I guess here is my chance and I dont know what I want except happiness and faithfulness and tenderness. I want communication too- and HONESTY. So I did have fun last night. Some day soon I will let myself have fun again without ruining it with the past. Starting last night. H left to work this morning- career not going well for him. He brought up that he wouldnt make any "phone calls" and brought it up- I like that. One more thing- H couldnt sleep he is so anxiety ridden- he says he woke up and started feeling bad about his personal life and career and cant sleep. Rather than let him watch TV again, I told him to lay down and I put my arms around him until he slept. He thanked me today. anyway this is the pattern,. I catch him, he acts very loving, he feels lonely, he calls her. I dont know how to break the cycle. Thank God it is jsut phone calls for now- I guess that is a positive. I will read up on appreciation and how to show it. And let him understand he can make me happy. These are the issues. Or maybe the depression talking. At least I have some direction.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
