Got home from work yesterday, and W and K's were home. I came in the door and my 4 year old D ran to greet me and my 8 mos old D was crawling towards me. I said "Hi" to my W and asked her how her day went. She then started feeding my youngest D and I asked her what she wanted me to get out for dinner.
I had prayed to God on the drive home, that he let my W be civil to me and to help me not talk about our R and in doing that, resort to begging for her to reconsider a big D. So, to fast forward a bit, we are eating supper and my oldest D, who has a habit of playing at the table and not sitting and eating, almost trips over the leg of her chair and falls backwards. I saw this and instinctively grabbed for her to catch her, and in the process I knocked over her glass of milk. Now, this was a big moment for me because in the not to distant past, I would have cursed and gotten mad, but what I did shocked even me, I just lowered my head and mumured "mmm" and said look what big daddy did ( thats what she calls me) and got a few towels and started cleaning it up. My W also started helping me and my little girl asked me if I was mad at her and I said " no honey, it was an accident and there's no use crying over spilt milk". I know my W was a little taken aback, even if she tried not to show it. Later, as I'm cleaning the kitchen and she's getting my D's clothes ready for school the next day, I dropped the taco meat she had put into a tupperware container and instead of cursing, I actually said "well...golly!" and if you knew me, you'd know that this was big because in the past, I would have blown up.
Anyway, I caught my W looking at me when she didn't think I was looking (which is odd, because I can't STOP looking at her) and I honestly hope and pray she is noticing these little changes.
I'll give yall a little info on me, I'm 6'4" and weigh 230 lbs. I'm an avid outdoorsman and I really enjoy hunting fishing,etc... so it may seem strange to some of you that one of my favorite movies happens to be " Moulin Rouge", my wife looks a little like Nicole Kidman but thats not why I like that movie. I like that movie because deep down I want to love somebody like he loves her, only I didn't/don't know how to express it because I always thought it wasn't manly and I was afraid. I love my wife so much that it hurts and I've always felt this way but have been afraid to show it.
Anyway, I was proud of my self for last night and the way I handled those sitches and for the fact that I did not beg her to take me back and I did not appear "needy", because I don't "need" her, I "want" her.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
hello - yes last night does sound like a good one. so many 180s by the sounds of it, and W is probably thinking so hard you may be able to hear her keep it up - you may have tough moments, but you sound clear on what you want. i wish i was loved like nicole's character in moulin rouge - i'm all choked up reading your post i'll catch up on your previous posts, you are now marked as a favourite, i cannot wait to read the next update hugs, slowly
Sounds like you showed your wife a glimpse of the 'new' and emerging YOU last night...Good for you.
You said,
Quote: I like that movie because deep down I want to love somebody like he loves her, only I didn't/don't know how to express it because I always thought it wasn't manly and I was afraid
How sad it is that some men cheat themselves out of truly giving and recieving love because they've been socialized to 'hold back any expression of feelings.'
Well I'll tell you what...let your femine side (the one that shows and expresses love, appreciation and respect for your wife) JUMP OUT OF THE MACHO CLOSET...cause the rewards will be boundless!!!! Women do love big macho men...but we want them to enjoy picking out fabric with us too...I know, it's a tough balancing act for you guys, but it turns us into blithering, loving idiiots. T2
Hummmmmm camo and blaze orange? Will that hide the dust and dirt? If so...I'm headed to the store RIGHT NOW. How many yards of camo do I need for the couch? And how many yards of blaze orange will it take to cover the wing chairs?
T2
Quote: Picking out fabric? T2..come on now if I had H help me pick out fabric...we'd have camo/blaze orange everything! LOL.
As I reported on my thread a while ago, just before the bomb we had to choose the surface laminate for a dining table, and my H wanted a textured one with purple swirls...
It didn't happen, for other reasons.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
LOL...okay, I'm having to re-think the fabric shopping analogy...
Okay Lone....forget the fabric shopping. How about just walking along in the stores while SHE shops, and you just carry her handbag and nod in the affirmative when she picks something up and says, "Do you like this?" LOL T2
I have a question. My W's 32nd B-day is April 14th, should I get her a gift? I ask this because last week I asked her if it was all right if I go on a weekend retreat with the Man to Man accountibility/support group that I am attending and it's on her B-day weekend. She respond, "I don't care. I don't want you here for my B-day anyway". I am trying really hard not to upset her, but I still feel I should get her a gift. Any ideas?
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
keep it up - you may have tough moments, but you sound clear on what you want. i wish i was loved like nicole's character in moulin rouge - i'm all choked up reading your post 
i'll catch up on your previous posts, you are now marked as a favourite, i cannot wait to read the next update 
hugs, slowly 
T2..come on now if I had H help me pick out fabric...we'd have camo/blaze orange everything! LOL.
with purple swirls...