I keep thinking how did I get here? How did I get to the point that I am posting on the net because I need to vent and strangers will understand more than my own husband?
We have been married 17 years. For the most part we get along very well. We very rarely disagree about major issues..the kids, finances, work ethics, religion, etc. We are basically on the same page. Except when it comes to Sex. I want it...he doesn't.
It started gradually. He started putting rules down. No oral sex my way, then no oral his way, then him on top only. After that it went to 1 X month, then every 3 months. Now, we have had sex only 3 times since Nov. And those times only because I begged.
At first I thought he might be having an affair. But he isn't, he loves me and he respects me. He asks my opinion about things that are going on because he wants to know my thougths. He just has absolutely no desire to have sex. (Side note, did the Doctor thing everythings ok)
I read the book SSM in one afternoon. I was sorry to see that so many people were going through this but glad at the same time that I was not alone.
The problem is that I now feel so lonely without that imtimate contact that I am starting to pick fights. I know that this is just adding to the problem. Because now he is on the defensive. And he's fighting back. I am trying to find out what is wrong and now its coming back...."I just lie there, I need to firm up, I need to add hours to my work schedule because he's too tired from working so hard" A different excuse each time. Nothing is his fault. It's all mine. And he's never done that before. We've never done this before.
He told me yesterday that he thinks we get along great with the exception of the sex thing and can't I just let it go. I told him no, I can't. I don't want a roommate. I want a husband. I want to share that with him. Something that he and I have with no one else but each other. He just doesn't understand. Any ideas?
Welcome to the forum Katie, Reading accounts by others about their situation, progress/lack of progress and posting on your own and other poeople's threads will definitely help you to make decisions on what path to take in the quest to improve your relationship. Probably the first step is to decide what obvious things you are doing now that aren't working and do the 180 U turns to do the opposite. Many of us have anger and resentment problems that hamper our progress and others perhaps nag too much etc. Also think about your and Hs love languages. Are you communicating your feelings in a way that he can understand. Add your LLs to the Love Language survey thread and Aquarian will update her graphs. Most of all keep coming back to this forum and post your vents and worries and you will get plenty of encouragement from both the HD and LD points of view. SD
First thing... get HIM to read the book, then discuss it with him. REALLY discuss it. See if you can get him to open up. Find out what is going on inside his head. See if he is willing to work on it with you. I bet if he reads the book, he'll start to get a better idea of just how important this is to you.
Next thing... get him to log on here and read this forum. When he sees the pain and anguish expressed here, maybe that will turn him around.
