Quote: One more idea I had - this is the romantic-wifey part of me talking - is what if you suggested a completely fresh start.
I've actually tried to make the "fresh start" about three different times/ways now.
One time I got on one knee, took the rings off, and made up my own vows of what would be different. All she said was not to take the ring off...which did make me feel a little bit good. But my other "fresh start" attempts have fallend on deaf ears and blind eyes.
One thing in general I've noticed is that W doesn't know how to deal with me when I'm asking q's about the R or really expressing about how I feel about things. Now I know how she used to feel. I think it confuses her because it's another thing that's changed about me.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
Quote: One more idea I had - this is the romantic-wifey part of me talking - is what if you suggested a completely fresh start.
HH, you really are a romantic, aren't you. So am I. Much to my own detriment. Funny you should say that... in my case, W has often expressed a desire for a "fresh start" - she keeps saying how she's afraid I (I) can't let go of the past, and am always going to hold it over her. Note: I have NEVER thrown it in her face, not in ALL the arguments we've ever had. On occasion I've tried to discuss it, because I feel we have to understand our past if we're to do better going forward, but I have always been willing to "start from here" and never mention it again. Trouble is, her "fresh start" means more of the same... we just let the past go, and go on sexlessly. I guess what she wants is for me to just let her off the hook, and accept "the way she is". Not what I envision as a "fresh start".
Quote: in my case, W has often expressed a desire for a "fresh start" - she keeps saying how she's afraid I (I) can't let go of the past, and am always going to hold it over her. Note: I have NEVER thrown it in her face, not in ALL the arguments we've ever had. On occasion I've tried to discuss it, because I feel we have to understand our past if we're to do better going forward, but I have always been willing to "start from here" and never mention it again.
Tim, I wish my H was like you. I would love to be able to wipe the slate clean and start over in this area of our R. However, whenever we start discussing the sexual side of our R, I get "you hate sex, you'll never change". I wish I could get it through his head that I don't hate sex. We have gotten into a bad pattern, I'll admit and both need to make some significant changes. I think a clean slate is exactly what we need but H doesn't seem to be willing to let go of the past, at least not right now.
Yeah, this is tough on both people. I feel terrible for those years being LD and not being able to break the cycle, until this past year. And I'm sure my W feels guilty and terrible about her role in it too.
I just keep believing that if you can see past the pain you can have the pleasure.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
