Hi DBB, I'm OK..I think. I'm playing psychologist to H who has been dumped by OW to go back to her exbf, come to find out this is the fourth time in 2.5 months. Don't get me wrong we have not reconciled and my helping him out will probably end whatever friendship we have right now. After everything I've heard I can't be his friend if he goes back for more abuse from her....it's like helping a drug addict, they need to help themselves and want help. I refuse to sit back and watch him put the needle in the arm again. I know listening to him has helped me to let go to some extent...I still love him, I still want my marriage, we have come to a great level of communication at this point but he hasn't crossed that line of being able to let go of his feelings for OW...he still sees himself as the one for her. Right now he has decided he needs to get his head straight before any decisions are made, he loves us both in different ways. I have gotten to a point were it's time for me to make my own choices. I hope he will make a choice to let go of OW but I'm not counting on it. I will have a clearer head in a few days, I'm heading to Myrtle Beach for the week with some girlfriends. Enough of my psycho life, how are things going with you? Are you feeling any better? How are the kids doing? I hope to hear from you before I leave. I leave on Tues. Return on Sat. Take Care, stacie
Quote: I refuse to sit back and watch him put the needle in the arm again.
Stacie,
As much as you do not want to, there is little choice. He has and will likely to repeat this cycle until something gives. Painful, I imagine, but you CANNOT force him through it. It is an addiction and in order to eliminate it, he must acknowledge it.
Glad to see you are detaching from the situation, you have to for your own sanity.
I reached the I don't care, this is my life stage recently and I feel much better and it has made a difference in how I act and react.
There has been some contradictary, different behavior on her part. Calling more, coming over more, more trivial conversation. Does it mean anything? Probably not. But it is different.
Honey, LET HIM GO!!!!! Can't you see he is playing with your emotions? He knows if he comes back you will accept him with open arms. My husband tried the same tricks until I read one of his e-mails to the OW that he had to be nice to me because I had him on my insurance, needless to say he was removed the next day! He is playing with your mind. He wants to make sure he has someone waiting in case the other leaves. My husband hated the thought of being alone, he left when he found someone that boosted his ego, found out later the grass wasn't as green on the other side as he thought.///Tell him, he made the decision and now, GO LIVE with it! You will feel much better about it, believe me!
He is also going through a mid_life crisis and want to hear something I think is soooo funny?...The OW wrote to me and told me I was right!..He had problems and was going through something, didn't know how I could still love him. So, see what goes around will someday hit him right where it hurts...be brave and move on, you will be the better for it.
Hi DBB, Sorry I haven't been around...going through a rough patch. H told me on Friday the only reason he hasn't filed yet is because he wants me as a friend...he knows I can't be his friend, because if we do I will always leave a door open for him to walk through and I can't do that if I'm to move on......I'll sit here and wait, wait for him to be dumped again and I'll attempt to pick the pieces up for him. I knew you were right in your last post about him going back, I knew it would happen again, thought I was prepared but it still hurt. I know I have to cut ties all together (except for the girls), I can't be there to take care of him anymore...didn't think I was (thought I was being a friend) but now I know I've done more than I should have. The addict has to help himself but I'm starting to think it may be to late when (or if) he does. Well enough about my continous 7 months of hell, how are you doing? I really hope your doing well, although I haven't posted I do read them and I appreciated the 11 tips..rules that you posted, I cut them out and put them in my new journal. I was reading them everyday until I got side tracked (blind sided) however you want to look at it. So let me know how your doing and thanks for looking out for me.. it's nice to have somebody out there. Take Care, Hang In. stacie
I do not know, in way I do, but you cannot do for him. And eventually, and probably much too late, he will realize what he has lost and what he cannot find by chasing an unreralistic relationship, with someone who does NOT have his best interest at heart.
As difficult as it is, you will have to cut off your R with him for now, so you are not tempted to "wait" forever or try to "fix" everything for him.
Two months. No changes here. No talk of R, M or D, or anything else of substance. Confess I built up expectations over "changing" behavior, but I know she is still moving on with her "selfish" behavior and life.
S7 informs me (in front of her), she is moving into a bigger apartment in Sept. So clearly, I know where her intentions and priorities lie. Not with the M or R or family.
Hi DBB, Well it's been a rough night...I'm doing well and think? I've finally come to some sort of acceptance by shutting him out but the 15D lost it tonight and doesn't understand why her father hates her??? D was in a bad mood after returning from Hs house says he ignores both of them,talks for hours with OW (he only has them 4 days a month) it seems like he cares for nothing but OW and she hates him. If it's not one thing around here it's another. I listened to her held her while she cried (which she never does) and tried to explain and make excuses for H..hard to do when you don't believe them yourself. Anyway when you confessed to expectations it made me think isn't it amazing how we try to tell ourselves not to have any but they seem to creep up even if you don't want them. I'm sorry to hear there hasn't been anything in two months but you sound as if your doing better? Are you? After listening to D tonight I sort of feel bad because when these people come out of their fog there may be nobody waiting for them on the other side, Of course they have nobody to blame but themselves but I still feel bad because I know my H fairly well and he won't be able to deal with it. I know it's not my problem but it's in my nature to feel bad or maybe it's just that I've gotten used to the feeling. I hope your hanging in there, let me know how your doing. Take Care, stacie
