My husband has been in an affair for about 6 months. Ive posted a few times before. He went from adamant last week that we were O~V~E~R completely, he was moving with his OW, to today, I asked him how he was feeling about things and he said I want to make the marriage work. I know God will bless us if I stay here. It will take time, I have a relationship with her, and I need time to break it off. I asked how long he said a few weeks. I dont get why you need a few weeks but when I asked him point blank. You are breaking up with her and we are working on things. He said YES, I asked if I could put my rings back on he said yes. He says he was fine with leaving until he started seeing my changes, my going to church, my not nagging at him, DB is what it was, this book is a lifesaver. I know this is going to be hard. I want SO SO SO bad to trust this, he has said before he would break it off and never happened but this time he said to ME he wanted to make it work rather than me begging and him saying fine. I so hope he means it! YAY please keep us in your thoughts, I know this is the beginning of the hard stuff. I told him we should sit down and make a list of our goals together, the goals have helped me so much. He agreed, said it sounds like a good idea! So what do you think about the needing time to break it off? I know I would rather him just cut it off cold turkey, but they work together and I certainly dont want to shove him right back to her.
CONGRATULATIONS JDJ! That is so awesome! Can you give the rest of us some background on your actions and events leading up to this? Like past couple of days or weeks?
Maybe link your prior thread? Give him the time he needs, looks like your nagging was a part of it before. Take it slow, most important, keep doing what has been working.
Good on you, girl! My stage is exactly like yours. H said one month ago he is trying to come back, we've made a few times, and said he wanted to break off with OW but he needs time. He said he cares about OW and breaking off will be difficult, he said OW has been in hurtful R before, she has lost her job and still jobless now. SO, in a nutshell, H is taking care of her while still hurting me and kids.
But anyhow, I give him time that he needs, am not or rather trying hard to give him time and biting my tongue. I also wanted him to cut it off but as much as I wanted it to happen quickly its not going to happen. I've backslid once coz my asking him to stay for dinner one night when he wanted to go off (after coming to visit us) was taken as pressuring him. So, all I can do is back off and just have to trust him on this one. In the end, if he still cant break it off with OW, we will be ok with or wihtout him, ya?!
Take it from me, you cant rush him and cant ask him to do what he doesnt want to. It will only push him away. Just monitor results and tell him what you want but do it in a non imposing way. I know its hard, in fact very, very hard. I'm at that stage now and have difficulty having a good PMA these days. Definitely impatience gets in the way.Come here to vent instead!
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
a few times, and said he wanted to break off with OW but he needs time. He said he cares about OW and breaking off will be difficult, he said OW has been in hurtful R before, she has lost her job and still jobless now. SO, in a nutshell, H is taking care of her while still hurting me and kids.