Yesterday H was in quiet mode, he just didn't have a lot to say nor did he say a lot. He did set up an appointment for us next week to look at redoing our mortgage.
H is still saying things that are so inappropriate or more unbelievable considering what we've been through the last year. He doesn't think before he speaks and says some pretty amazing things.
We were talking about something and he said "you didn't like that I was dating OW" like a smartass/sarcastically. It didn't bother me, but the fact that he doesn't think before he speaks. He does this in other areas of his life, also. H talks like he has the right to tell people exactly how they are not matter how much pain it causes. I did say why did you say that? What is that supposed to mean? H just said, I don't know I just said it. So he's like a little kid. Yet if anyone were to say something like that to him, for instance me, he'd be scarred for life and pissy.
Right after he said that he said "you don't have any feelings anyway" and I said I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope you someday feel different. I do sometimes keep them bottled up or USED to, this is something he says on automatic pilot. Like not too long after he left. He'd come over and say "nothing's changed here" and it go to the point that he said it EVERYTIME he came over and finally I just had to laugh.
Maybe it's too much for him? I don't know if he's in denial or that he's still in replay and doesn't YET realize all the pain he's caused.
We were also talking about building a new house and where we'd live and then H comes out and says "I don't know if I'm even going to stay with you" so it's things like that.
I can't quite figure out why he says the things he says. I still don't know this man, I don't know what's lurking below the surface.
I didn't do anything at the casino and when I don't win, I feel this tremendous guilt. That I lost money, that I went, not quite sure what the guilt is about, but it was painful. I really FELT it and if this is how the MLC'r feels most of the time, then I don't envy them.
I totally understand the inappropriate talk and comments. How is it they think they can say things and it not be reflection on them?
My H says things about friends and family, then refuses to talk to them and can't get it that he is the one spouting opinions. He even remarks about other people having affairs and how wrong it is. Never ever incluing himself in those comments.
It just amazes me. Guess it is part of the MLC syndrome.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I found your comments as well as Pattie's and Mayafools very interesting.
It is almost laughable that men in MLC or maybe narcisstic men in general are so opinionated when it comes to EVERYONE else, but their personal moral compass is all over the place.
Remember that their skewed 'judgements' are what got them into the mess they've caused to begin with. It's that, "do as I say, not as I do." mentality. To them, the "golden rule" was meant for everyone....BUT THEM. T2
As to the high standards, I know H valued marriage and family. I'm not sure what happened to change that . When he spouts this stuff now, I can hear the "old" H. It just amazes me. It's like they can paint everyone with the same brush and not include themselves.
Leftandnowhy, sorry to highjack your thread. Guess we are all dealing with the same basic personality.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I was beginning to think it was just my H and it's not just my H, so I don't have a rare breed of male then.
That H admits he doesn't know why he says it is good, but it doesn't stop him either. It's a nonthinking kind of thing to say.
And yes T2 "Don't do as I do, do as I say" is my H. My boss is like that, also.
Now that I'm off of H's rollercoaster, detached from his drama it's easier to just blow those kinds of words off. I will continue to hold him accountable when he does say them or just walk away.
H didn't come home last night, but that was kind of expected. Went to a hockey game with his drinking buddies so I'm ASSuming he stayed at one of their houses. We were supposed to go on a day trip bright and early this morning, but I guess that ain't happening. Which is fine with me, it was a two hour drive and frankly I'd rather hang close to home today.
T2 so glad to hear from you. I kind of cringed when I saw you posted to me...you have a way of putting the truth out there like nobody else. I love it!!
My H. does the same thing as well! I have been wondering about his tendency to judge other peoples' marriages and judging people who he thinks are screwed up......it's like there is an incredible disconnect going on inside him.
Quote: Now that I'm off of H's rollercoaster, detached from his drama it's easier to just blow those kinds of words off. I will continue to hold him accountable when he does say them or just walk away.
Can I ask how you were able to detach from his drama? This is something I am working on doing as well, as it looks like this is going to be a long ride.
Quote: T2 so glad to hear from you. I kind of cringed when I saw you posted to me...you have a way of putting the truth out there like nobody else. I love it!!
Makes me feel like there should be a skull and crossbones next to my name. LOL
I love it!!