My H (LD, closer to ND) was the one who wanted counseling, so we've been going since Oct. He doesn't want to have sex, doesn't want to contribute financially but still thinks everything is great. He wants to hold hands on the couch, stay up until 2:00 and then go to bed. Unless, of course, he's playing hockey...there's a whole different routine when it's a night for that.
The counselor has asked him to work on 2 things: 1) Initiate 2-3 times a week and 2) Consistently contribute to our finances. He hasn't done either. Tonight, he once again said that he screwed up. She said that it wasn't possible to screw up when you've made no effort. She went on to say that what he is doing (or actually is not doing) is INTENTIONAL. It all boils down to the passive/agressive thing once again.
He's going in for a few sessions alone with the counselor to see if there's any way this is going to work. I just don't know at this point; I do have my doubts. He's made promises to me alone and, for the last 4 months, in front of our counselor. He hasn't followed through on a single one of those promises.
It sounds to me like he doesn't know what he will be missing if he doesn't get his act together. I know a year ago when my W dropped the BOMB on me it was a wake up call. We have the problem in reverse that you have I am the HD and my W is LD. I might take something very large to wake this man up. I know sometimes we can have very think skulls.
Yep, the next 2 sessions are his alone. Actually, I need a break anyway. What I can't understand is WHY he wanted counseling to begin with...and it was his idea. Did he really think the counselor would say that he didn't have to have sex with me ever again AND that he didn't have to contribute financially ever again!
What he really needs is a woman who doesn't like sex AND who is willing to support him - I am neither of those things. What's interesting is that he has a sister who is 36 and has been a leech (on his mom) her entire life. There's a family dynamic of "taking," and he's learned the lesson well. I've already got 2 teenagers from a prior marriage; I didn't know I was getting another one (although 38) by marrying him.
So if he loses me, in his mind at least, I'm sure he hasn't lost a damn thing.
