My DH would be the HD of this couple! I bought us each a copy of SSM for Valentine's Day. I started reading mine a few days ago and gave DH his yesterday. He seemed genuinely touched and interested in reading it.
I wold like to know what kinds of pit falls I need to look out for. Negative thinking on my end, his end, etc.
I'm hoping this book will help us. We have been married less than 2 years. My DH would like it if we had sex every single day, but would be happy with twice a week. I find myself rarely ever thinking I'm in the mood and I NEVER initiate.
Any beginner words of advice would be appreciated. :)
Congratulations on finding your way here. You'll find lots of support from both HD and LD spouses. The fact that you realise this is something that you and your H need to work on is a good starting point. Many LD spouses here refuse to even acknowledge there is a problem so you're off to a postitive head start.
You were also able to communicate and discuss how often your H prefers to have sex which is another plus point for you. You said he would be happy with twice a week. Have you done anything about this? Also you must be able to communicate very clearly to your H what you need from him in order to feel desire and I am sure he will happily oblige.
Hi buzzbee. You didn't mention your age or if you had gotten checked out medically, but, given your lack of desire, you may have hormone problems, be on medication with sexual side effects, have psychological issues with sex, or any number of other factors affecting your drive.
The fact that you are here, that you bought the SSM book, and that you are open with your H is fantastic. I'm sure many of us HDs here wished our spouses felt the same way.
I'm 28 years old and my husband is 38. I actually stopped taking birth control pills a few months ago and Wellbutrin a few weeks ago because I suspect one or both are partly to blame. I know that Wellbutrin is not supposed to effect your sex drive, but it effected mine!
I don't think it is soon enough to know for sure if stopping Wellbutrin will help, but fingers are crossed.
We have to know more about your sexual problems in order to try and help. Could be just about any cause without a little more direction. And take it from me, another HD man, lack of desire is a marriage killer!
Well, there are a bizillion reasons that you maybe low desire. It could be physical or relational. So here are some questions that may help us all understand.
1) Have you always been LD, or is this a new problem? 2) Do you have any know physical ailments? 3) Any emotional traumas like neglect/abuse/rape? 4) Have you had your testosterone checked, it is the MOST precious chemical in your body, it is the ONLY known chemical to cause sexual desire. 5) Have you any children? 6) Are there relational/family/financial problems? 7) Is there any built up resentment between you two? 8) Is he meeting all of YOUR needs in marriage? Does he still DATE you for example?
1) Have you always been LD, or is this a new problem? I haven't always been this way until about 3 years ago.
2) Do you have any know physical ailments? Yes. I started taking Wellbutrin 2.5 years ago for depression and anxiety. I stopped taking it 2 weeks ago and seem to be doing okay with it. I also have a history of vaginal pain during sex. I've never been able to nail down what causes the issue, but eating well, exercising, etc. seem to help.
3) Any emotional traumas like neglect/abuse/rape? Nope.
4) Have you had your testosterone checked, it is the MOST precious chemical in your body, it is the ONLY known chemical to cause sexual desire. No I haven't, but I would be nervous to take hormonal treatments because my body is very sensitive to birth control pills and just about any kind of medication.
5) Have you any children? No.
6) Are there relational/family/financial problems? My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer last May. This has been very stressful on both of us, obviously.
7) Is there any built up resentment between you two? You mean besides my husband being very frustrated with how little we have sex? If so, not really.
8) Is he meeting all of YOUR needs in marriage? Does he still DATE you for example? We have some certain things we do. We make sure to sit down to dinner together almost every night. Every other week he makes dinner trying a new recipe. There are some things that I can't seem to get over. I am a bit of a neat freak and my husband is the exact opposite. I'd even go so far as to say he's a slob. He promises he'll clean up our basement weekend after weekend and it never happens. I work full time and do all of the cleaning, shopping, most of the cooking, etc. We can afford to have a housekeeper come and I could really use the help. He keeps saying it's a great idea, but then when I say let's do it next week he always blows me off.
