I gave my LD W the SSM book over 2 weeks ago and she has not cracked it. In that time we have, however, made good strides at working on our relationship & love life. My question is whether to give her the Five Love Languages (which I have not read) as part of a Valentine's Day gift. In a way it may be pushy to give her a second book, but I think the title of SSM is scaring her off and 5LL might seem a little more her speed.
My plan for VD is to give her some new clothes, including an outfit to wear that night, take the kids in the afternoon to go swimming at the 4 star hotel I booked for the night, go out for a romantic dinner and spend a relaxing night away from the house. Ideally I would say we would ML all night, but I'll settle for my 15 minutes of fame.
Should I give her 5LL? Another book? Wait and give it to her another time? Thanks.
first off, how receptive was she to you giving her the ssm book?
depending on your answer to that question I don't see a problem with giving her the 5LL book as long as you do it tastefully. I like the other things you're planning for the day. Perhaps you could work the 5LL book into a gift pack? ie...if she does read other books, how about a nice throw (blanket), a reading light (that attaches to the book very cool I got one for my h, he now purposefully sit's in the dark using it), a special valentines book mark, another off topic book for her reading pleasure all tied together with a nice bow.
then it's not just and here's this book I want you to read, it's part of a package deal.
It all depends on your W's reaction when you asked her to read the SSM book. I tried to get my H to read SSM but he refused. Then like you I tried to give him the LL book to read because I thought that the title was less 'threatening' and he got even more annoyed. We've had several fights about the book, I don't think he will ever touch it now but since he's begun to be more affectionate fulfilling my LL a little, I decided that its not necessary for him to read it anymore, although it would be nice, its a good book and I really hoped to be able to share and discuss it with him. Seems silly to fight over a book so its pointless for me to bring it up again.
If your W's reaction over the SSM book was negative then I'll say give it to her some other time or you might just ruined VD for the both of you but stick to your other plans, they're lovely. My H does not believe in celebrating VD. so no such plans for me.
I just read 5ll over the weekend, and I thought it was really good. I think they're good companion books. I agree, the title of "SSM" is rather intimidating...I was concerned about giving it to W to read for that very reason..its almost "confrontational". others have posted the same sentiments, and their spouses were much less receptive than mine. I think the 5LLs would be better as a first book, as it speaks in more general terms, and does not focus on any one person in a relationship, or any one problem. SSM goes on to focus specifically on ONE love language, in greater detail.
So I'd say go ahead and give it to her...even the cover is appropriate for the occasion, with its heart logo. The book and its title seem to say to me, "what WE can do for EACHOTHER to make OUR relationsip better"...whereas SSM is more about how awful life is/has been for the poor HD spouse. perhaps your W will see something in 5LL that explains what she's been missing from you in your relationship, and after a discussion of that, an understanding of the how's and why's of that, will be much more willing to see your side of things, and actually acknowledge your issues. This seems to be a major sticking point with some of the posters here...their spouses refuse to even admit that their problem is legitimate, or even exists.
Thanks for the replies. I went to the bookstore and they were out of 5LL. I got "Chicken Soup For The Romantic Soul"- anyone familiar with it? I also got a red velvet journal book with a heart on the front. I figure I'll start it out with a love letter to her in the front, and then we can both use it to write things we love about each other in, sort of trading it back and forth whenever we feel the urge. I'm still planning to get 5LL and put them all in a gift bag (good idea, lostlove).
Although I think she would really benefit from reading SSM, I doubt she ever will for the reasons many have stated. First, the title implies that there is a serious problem and that it's her fault. Kind of like if she gave me a book called "The Annoying Horny Husband". And also because she probably doesn't see it as a serious enough problem to warrant reading a book. She's glad I got something out of the book, but has no desire to read it herself. We had a nice talk a couple of weeks ago and have had sex a few times since. Problem solved, right?
DO NOT GIVE YOUR SPOUSES ANY R BOOKS FOR V-DAY!!!! It's one thing is you're reading it and she picks it up, but these books are a form of pressure--and even glancing at your copy can be dangerous because they may read a few pages and get the wrong ideas. My two cents.
You know, I tend to agree with you Merrick. I think these books are wonderful, but not as gifts for your spouse - unless they've been requested or right up there in their general interest. I personally think it's best to mention that you've heard of the book(s), suggest you read it together, and if that isn't well received... then buy it and read it - and leave it where s/he'll be able to find it.
Now I'm confused. The "Chicken Soup" book is just a collection of cute romantic stories. I think she'll really like it. I think the love letter book is an original idea that she'll think is sweet. Maybe I'll just leave 5LL out of the mix?
She asked for (and got) erotica for Xmas, but she has stopped reading it as far as I can tell, so I don't want to go there.
Quote: "Chicken Soup For The Romantic Soul" a red velvet journal book with a heart on the front. I figure I'll start it out with a love letter to her in the front, and then we can both use it to write things we love about each other in, sort of trading it back and forth whenever we feel the urge.
Sorry Chachi, I meant to applaud you for those choices! Bravo! Should be a Happy VD this year... I'm sure What a romantic! I was more or less referring to 5LL and TSSM as the books in my post which should be given with great care!
so no such plans for me.
What a romantic! I was more or less referring to 5LL and TSSM as the books in my post which should be given with great care! 
My Bad. Enjoy!!!