Been getting a lot of advice that I need to go out on a date and show my W that I can move on.. Make her really think about whether or not she really loves me.. I dont know what to do.. I see the logic in it, but my heart says that it wil just creat another reason for her not to come back to me..
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Kevin - try sticking to one thread, it's easier to follow your situation.
And no, there is NO reason to date. It confuses things, and it is something I personally would not recommend. You can move on with other areas of your life instead.
"Dating" is NOT a strategy, nor a "technique", that is either endorsed or recommended in DB'ing.
Putting any kind of "moral" issues off to the side, actual dating can open up a whole new can of worms for you, your marriage, and whoever it may be that you happen to "date". Why add more confusion to what you already have going on?!
Try the "get a life technique" instead. This will produce better results for both you, and your marriage, in the long run.
"Dating", and involving yourself romantically with someone else solely to gain the attention of your partner can be a dangerous thing to do, and can more often than not backfire on you BIG TIME!!
There are many other ways you can get her to think about whether or not she really loves you. Ways that can produce better results, and hold less potential for long-term damage in an already rocky situation.
JJ
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I have to agree with everyone else. I've heard the same thing and people are always trying to fix me up. I won't do it for alot of reasons. But here are the basics (most have been stated above):
1. 2 wrongs are worse than 1; 2. It would infuriate my W. She has taunted me to do it (early on but not in the last 2 months), but I know it was to give herself justification for her A; 3. Even if it is "not ready for anything serious" by both parties going in, it can turn on a dime. Either your emotions or her's (date) emotions could get run through the ringer; 4. You've seen "Fatal Attraction", right?
Don't do it. You will feel better in the long run and I would assume you would have a much better chance of rebuilding marriage w/o dating.
Going out w/ a female friend, who is just truely a friend, is different. I have those. My W knows who they are and that they are just friends. But still, what other people see will get reported back to our spouses. Then it is damage control and major backslide (defending your self) or portraying the attitude, ifyou can do it so can I. It just raises the bar to a whole new level.
You already know what I think about dating while married... It is a huge 'no, no' and it is unfair to you, your W and whoever you date.
If you really want to date and think your M is over, get a divorce, have a mourning period for the M that was (takes anything from 6 months to 2 years by what others tell me), then date to your heart's content... after having analyzed what went wrong in your first M and how not to fall in the same trap twice.
You do not need to date to show to your W that you can move on: she knows well that you are more responsible and better organized than she is. If you date now, you only 'show' to her that you did not really cared as much as you said you did.
Sorry, I go with the majority opinion. Whoever gave you that advice has very good intentions but very little insight into female psychology...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Now I want to add my 2 cents worth (because I agree with JJ and the gang).
Dude, you have a son... who is watching you like a hawk.
You are teaching him how to treat others who hurt you and he's taking notes. One day he is going to be a teen and he's bound to disappoint you with choices he makes. He NEEDS you to remain true to his mom until you have no other options.
Humility, kindness, honesty, integrity, patience and love are what you want to teach him, right? Well, that lesson begins with you.
Go hang out with friends who really support you instead. The water in that ocean is far less murky--and you can see where you need to go.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
My H asked if I had dated anyone in the past three weeks...I hesitated to answer because I was thinking that this is NOT a question he would want me to ask him. He jumped in and said you don't have to answer that.
Is it ok for me, intending NOT to date, to leave him with that question left unanswered in his mind? Is it ok for me to maybe FALSELY give him the impression that although he does not want to be with me, perhaps other men would?
It is a difficult thing to answer not knowing a thing about your sitch. I probably would not bring it up myself but would answer truthfully if asked...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
My Mil suggested it to me. I am not entertaining the idea, I just wanted some others insight into it.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
