Hi, I posted on Newcomers, but also wanted to post here and ask a specific question here I didn't ask there. If anyone out there has been through infertility and adoption, please give me your thoughts. Has anyone here ever learned of of an EA and MLC and H. depression in the midst of an adoption process? If so, what did you do? !
This is where I am at now. Our baby will be here in June/July, but we need to sign last bit of paperwork in May. H. wants to continue adoption. I am committed to the marriage, and the baby, but he is unsure about our marriage, but still living with me..and we are "ok" on the surface, but the EA is there, the MLC is there, and his depression is there - combined with my reaction to his EA, MLC, etc... The EA is apparently over....
I realize this is an odd situation...but ANY thoughts would be much appreciated. I only learned of this 2 weeks ago, and thought until March I would just DB away and let ir ride and revisit then...but thought I could also use some advice in case anyone has been in this or similar situations. Thanks! C.
I'm not sure I can offer any advice, but my W and I went through IVF, and it's failure was the straw that broke the back of our strained relationship. We went to several adoption clinics, but as I turned to internet porn she turned to EAs. I guess we both couldn't face the pain.
The IVF doctor basicly slammed the door in our face, I guess we ruined his success rate. They should've recommended/provided some counseling, something. It was devastating.
If W and I get back together, we may resume the adoption process, assuming we're not too old. As if there weren't enough stress, it's like we both have another biological clock ticking (generally 45 is the upper limit).
You need to be sure you're bringing the child into a committed R; bringing it in and divorcing could make things harder over all, I'd think. Certainly, the EA's must be ended.
You can look at it two ways, continue with adoption process and see if new addition creates change in marriage or don't adopt and spare child of marital issues. My W and I adopted a new born, 14 months ago and in the last few months have been having marital issues (I had a 1 month affair). See my post for more info. But, if we divorce, I will do the child support and visits and the whole nine, but my preference is to remain married not because of paying mone but to give my son a two parent home.
