Good morning Betsey. Just wanted to say way to keep it steady on the Bob Barkering. Isn't it funny that as badly as we'd like them home we almost feel relieved when they aren't there too?
Pandamoses...check out marriagebuilders.com it goes over a lot of what is in his needs/her needs for free.
I've been thinking of you a lot lately... I'm sorry that things are happening the way they are and bringing you down.
(((((Linda)))))
BTW, I've been meaning to call you and thank you for the invitation. Hope you enjoyed yourself at the show. I have season tix to the Buell and had given mine away to a really good friend, who said it was fabulous.
I think everyone here knows that I am itching with agitation, and it's true.
It didn't help that last night, I found and read a letter Mr. W. had written to D9 in early December--saying how much he loved her and her sister but was tired of doing things that made everyone else happy but him.
At first I felt the stings of anger and hurt and then replaced them with some level of understanding and sympathy. Because the fact is, he is doing absolutely NOTHING to help himself feel better about himself and life in general. Until that happens, I'm going to get thrown out as the baby with the bathwater.
I'm going to schedule another phone appt with Laurie in a few minutes (which I've been saying I was going to do for the past couple weeks but have yet to do). I also had another light bulb go off on my way to work this morning.
Some radio DJs were talking about some lady who had a really tough time taking care of her life while her H was dying of cancer... slowly, over more than 2 years.
Well, the fact is that if Mr. W. were terminally ill instead of suffering from a MLC, I would have a whole lot more compassion and capacity for understanding, knowing that the outcome was going to be that I would be a single parent.
I decided that maybe I should work on that slant right now since there are a variety of open doors.
The question is: when is he going to seek some type of counsel to get him to think about the things that are still glaringly unresolved more than a year after he walked out?
I will discuss the options with Laurie when I get to chat with her again.
About Carlie... somehow I knew that my post yesterday was going to bring this subject up in my thread when I saw the news this morning. To be honest, I was dreading reading my own thread because of the extreme sadness I feel. D9 has been following the story, and I did everything I could to keep her from seeing the news today...
I knew she would be devasted, and since I won't be here this weekend to talk her through things, I decided that postponing the news would be better for her--she is turning in a huge assignment today and may have to give her presentation and I didn't want to risk screwing up her PMA today.
Ocean Journaling:
On my way home from work yesterday when Mr. W. called me on cell--again, happy and seemingly interested in talking to me. He surprised me when I answered by asking a question: "Are you excited about your trip tomorrow?"
I felt a smile and said, "Yes, I really am." He asked if I was seeing high school friends? I went to high school in VA and he has met my friends the weekend of my 20th reunion. Is this memory lapse attributed to the MLC?
Anyway, we had a nice chat and he told me to have a nice time and that he and the girls would be at the house when I get home on Sunday night. I've promised myself that Bob Barker will accompany me as well, and I will enter the house AS IF EVERYONE has missed me horribly and is excited that I am home.
One day, I'm sure Bob is going to send me and Meredith (and maybe even the Sting Ray) an invoice for all these tireless appearances that are not being reported as compensation...
Until then, I'm looking forward to hugging my BB buddies and fellow sharks (Meredith, Pamela and CBH) when I get there later today.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.... Just keep swimming!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
UD, thanks for the support, no word from her since then, not sure it reall bought me anything but It made me feel better about myself for taking the high road.
Have a great trip, have some fun and don't think about Mr. W , I know easy to say, but yuk it up some you deserve it.
It didn't help that last night, I found and read a letter Mr. W. had written to D9 in early December--saying how much he loved her and her sister but was tired of doing things that made everyone else happy but him.
Is D9 that mature to be receiving letters like this? Did she ever get this letter and read it? This sounds like a letter that was meant for you and not D9!
It is amazing how cheery our aliens sound over the phone. do you think the sound waves jam the signal from the mother ship and out pops our S's to talk to?
Sounds like you have the plan throughout the whole weekend, including your actions when you come back. I hope you have a great time and remember, guiness for me, okay? (and if Mer, Pamela and CBH indulge in such frothy concoctions, have them sip one for me too. Coffee is a good substitute for the sober ones.) I'll be thinking and praying for all of your great PMA's this weekend.
Big hugs to you.
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Betsey- I hope you ladies have a wonderful time this weekend. Is this the first time you and Meredith will meet in person? I'd love to see that.
I think I can offer a couple of observations on your "depression/terminal illness", only because I have been through it - not with my spouse, but with myself. I am going to go out on a limb here and share something about myself - I have been diagnosed in the past with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's pretty much chronic crazymaking, along with a deeply ingrained set of immature beliefs about life, reality, and people in general. When I was in the height of it, I was hospitalized for awhile, and was on various meds. Nothing helped with my out-of-control behavior or my deep depression (lacking the skills to relate to the people you love most is VERY frustrating). Nothing helped because I kept expecting something outside myself to change me. Then I started surfing the net after being told that BPD was virtually untreatable, and I could look forward to a life of hospitalizations, broken relationships, and failed opportunities. At the time, I was a junior in college, and couldn't believe that I wouldn't be able to have the full, successful life I wanted. So I started looking on the Internet and found a therapy called DBT. You want solution-based? That's it. Well, my point is not to share a sob story, or to share the miracle power of dialectic behavioral therapy (although it and DB'ing have a lot of parallels), but to point out that I had to lose almost everything - school, my husband (him moving out was when I started DBT), my job (not the one I have now), before I was motivated to look for change inside myself. The road to getting help that worked took me two years, but it's only taken me six months since I realized I was the only one who could make me change. I firmly believe that with the work that you're doing, and with as much as you pray for him, he will come to realize that the only way he can be happy is to make HIMSELF happy, just as you've been modelling to him while he has been living outside your home. He is in the ideal situation to have realizations about himself. You have worked on your end to change all the behaviros that you can, and you are supportive to him without being enabling of his depression (i.e. letting it bring yuo down as well, letting him draw you into fights so he can blame his "down-ness" on you). You are the best thing that could have happened to him, and your patience and strength make ihm a very lucky man. I am hoping he realizes that really soon. ((((((((Betsey))))))) Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Just wanted to tell you how wonderful it was to meet you this weekend. I think that I could have stayed and talked for hours more. For what it's worth- I'm not even freaked out by you meeting my H and S15! (must mean I trust you guys!)
FYI- for those who are wondering- YES, Betsey and Meredith are both wonderful people, and both as beautiful (inside and out) as you are probably imagining.
Hope you had a great homecoming last night, Betsey!
Yup, ditto again. I was so glad to meet you guys in person. Thank you for your real-life pep talks. It's a lot easier to take advice from people who really "get" what I'm trying to do. Thanks for the support girls.
I went to high school in VA and he has met my friends the weekend of my 20th reunion. Is this memory lapse attributed to the MLC?
