Thanks. I won't be calling him back. Got my caller id on here at work. Hopefully he won't just show up.
Well at least I can and did take responsibility for my actions. I tried to make right what I did wrong by dismissing the d. He didn't get that...not yet anyway. maybe in a couple of days he'll be able to SEE more clearly.
I just wonder what all this past month meant....was he playing me? Doing what I wanted going to counseling....for what? Was his intent to get d today anyway? If not why is he so upset that its gone? Why tell me he's thinking I want to spend more money on the d by dismissing? So he's going to spend more to do the d?
I'd do just what you're doing, let him blow off steam and let his calls go into voice mail. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, you made it perfectly clear in the MC meeting about dismissing the D, so, let him do what he's gonna do. maybe you didn't specifically tell him not to show up, but I mean who wouldn't figure that out?
You are not the source of his discontent all the time, and I don't think he was "playing" you this last month, you would have seen through it. Just let this uncomfort pass and see how the weekend goes..
Let the storm pass, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, just keep doing what you've been, and maybe back off of him a little until he gives you a sign he's settled down.
The MC just called said he give h a call. MC felt as though I should probably have talked to h face to face about it AFTER or BEFORE the counseling session. But the MC also said that he thought we were very clear yet by h's expression during the session he also felt like he was not making contact.
MC said the session was very one-sided. As usual I'm doing all the work while h remains THERE. MC said that the things I've seen in the past month are not effort on h's part...just merely for show. H is not going into to counseling with MC admitting his wrongs is only talking about what I've done.
Quote: let him do what he's gonna do
I told MC well at least now I know where I stand with h...if he chooses to file for d then there won't be any more uncertainty. MC said that is a good point.
Quote: maybe you didn't specifically tell him not to show up, but I mean who wouldn't figure that out?
Right! But h is grasping at straws to justify his position. Of course I should be at fault here....he then gets reason to d.
Quote: I don't think he was "playing" you this last month, you would have seen through it.
Gosh I hope so. I'd hate to think my h was using me this whole time. When I reminded the MC about the efforts h had made...MC said WHAT EFFORT? H has really made no effort to find out how to be a better h or father. It's been all about him being a victim. I'm sure being a victim feels lots better than the realization that you've got to change! MC said h doesn't want to face that decision the one to change.
Quote: Let the storm pass, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, just keep doing what you've been, and maybe back off of him a little until he gives you a sign he's settled down.
I plan to make no contact this weekend. He'll attempt to get a hold of me but I won't answer. I'll maybe leave him a message to say if he wants to talk he can set up a counseling session and we can meet there. I will not meet him alone!
Let me chime in and support the forgetful alien theory. It was amazing how often my XW, who bragged about her wonderful memory, forgot things. She was busy being a victim and blaming everyone else that she forgot what was really going on in her life.
I have not received an update from the mc after his call to h. I guess h didn't want to talk to mc or didn't answer phone.
I guess no news is good news? I certainly hope h will cool off and come to his senses. It boggles my mind that he wants to get rid of me so badly. After all that I've done to give him space and validate. H just can't make the leap back.
Never underestimate the alien. They do lot's of wierd and wacky things.
You've done a great job so far, I think the thing to do now is what you're doing - sit back and wait. Show him you've got the patience, show him you're not going to lose your cool. Just keep showing him that WINNING Cindy.
Quote: I guess no news is good news? I certainly hope h will cool off and come to his senses.
I hope so too Cindy, the ball is in his court. As you've hinted at before, he could have been using the the excuse of you filing on him as a crutch for his behavior. That crutch is not there anymore, now its up to him to WIN you back and committ like a good H and father would do. Time will tell, you are wise not to call him or contact him this weekend, thats not a bad 180..it RELIEVES PRESSURE, leave him to his thoughts, he'll be in contact for something and remember to stand firm if he comes at you again with the blame game. He eventually tire himself out because YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANTHING WRONG..He really has to decide for himself what he's going to do, he knows that ball is in his court, so let it sit there until he picks it up..
Use this weekend to do something you enjoy, pamper yourself tomorrow and don't worry about anything.
The WINNING Cindy can handle whatever is thrown her way, a grumpy H is not going to bring her down..
Hey, maybe you should give your old guy pal you were referring to the other day a call and say.."whats up?..
Quote: He eventually tire himself out because YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANTHING WRONG..He really has to decide for himself what he's going to do, he knows that ball is in his court, so let it sit there until he picks it up..
Yep, it's up to him now. Let's see if he likes this PRESSURE of coming up with a decision that will not only effect him but 3 others (kids and me)! It's not a fun place to be...I didn't much like it. I'm sure he's going to be stewing now that he'll have to play bad guy if the d is what he wants. No more playing the victim.
I've been fighting so hard for this...everyone sees it! He has no cause to be running so hard...it's purely selfishness that keeps him there. The lure of parties, drinking binges, all night escapades with his single buddies...but this won't last long compared to the long lasting effects of d. And he will be responsible for getting us the d if that is what he chooses. ONce he makes the decision I doubt he'll waver just to prove that he's not like me...a person who is able to follow thru on their threat.
Quote: Hey, maybe you should give your old guy pal you were referring to the other day a call and say.."whats up?..
I might do that! He actually called me THursday to see how I was doing. But I hate to give him IDEAS when I'm not really available yet.
We'll see. I do know that I'll stay away from h. I'm so tired and worn out from carrying this d around. I need a major break from him!!!
Quote: Never underestimate the alien. They do lot's of wierd and wacky things.
I hope I'm underestimating him! I hope he's not the loser he's portraying himself to be!!! I really hope he's just confused and afraid, being purely reactionary to the news of the dismissal.
Perhaps he is just taking time to think things over. He is probably really confused and frightened right now. As you said, he can no longer play the victim any longer...his role has changed in this whole divorce drama...he will have to be accountable for his actions now..which is scary...it's much easier to blame someone else for your sitch than to take the weight on yourself...
to you too!
