Thank you all for your sage advice. I appreciate it and that is why I am here, to listen and observe what others are doing. I think there are good points to all of it. Since I talked with him Sunday about how I feel and what I need to feel important, I am dropping anymore talk of other people. For now, I am still thinking things through, watching his actions, talking and communicating with him, while we have fun too. I will look at this whole thing like we are first dating again, and not make demands, let things progress naturally. It was a huge step for him to come back to him, and I think he is still waffling. Even after we talked Sunday and he said he understood where I was coming from, he still gave me his card to book a flight, so I take that as a good sign.
But there wil be a point where I need to decide if it is going to work or not.
I want to again relay hope to those who are still wishing their walkwaway comes back or ex...I say again, let go, and go forward with your life. You never know what can happen. Look at me. Nicole
Wow, Nicole, congrats! I'm in a similar sitch to you, my divorce is almost final, but STBX and I are getting along so well now! Once we decided to go ahead and do it since our case management date was approaching quickly, we were able to just let go of all of the crap from our marriage and we decided that the D is a new beginning for us, not an ending or a death sentence. We still don't know if we'll reconcile or not, but things are positive.
I think that your ex is probably very scared and nervous right now, since you are now divorced and he might think that you won't even want to be with him again after all that has happened. He is probably taking things slowly, as some of the others said, just testing the waters to see how receptive you are to him. Maybe he is still on Match.com and talking to the OW because he has a wall up to protect himself? He might be afraid to let go of everything he's been doing in his life without you until he sees how you'll accept him now? I don't know, I'm just speculating, but I can see how he might feel this way. I can also see how you feel, too, like enough is enough, be with me or not, etc. Just stay positive and see what happens, maybe when he has more of a reassurance from you that you are interested again, he will just give up the other stuff on his own. Have a great Valentine's Day, and keep us posted!!
I am writing here, to vent, because all this past week, and weekend, I have had a hard time sleeping.
I talked with Ex Thursday night and he then alluded he had programmed the girl's number he had taken, into his cell phone, instead of leading me to believe she wrote it to him.
Here are my issues: STILL on internet dating site Took a girls number last weekend Went out with EA last weekend and I believe a large group from work, including her, this weekend at a hockey game No contact ALL weekend I am feeling all the same issues. To make a long story short, how my whole story started was we were married 7 months, and he went to Vegas for a trade show, and ended up (by him telling me no less) that he took his ring off and went out with some girls, like he was single.
So now I sit, almost 3 years later, and in the past few months, I started trusting him again, believing maybe htings had changed, and he up and tells me about that girl. I cannot get it out of my head.
I know I am not being proactive. But I feel all that small trust that was building up, is gone. I have every right to feel this way. We are not married. I deserve the best. I almost feel like telling him to keep his plane ticket, and shoving it.
I am venting here, so I dont vent to him. I am very angry, and of course assuming the worse this past weekend, but he has done nothing, in my opinion to assure me he wants me, and not any other woman out there.
What I dont UNDERSTAND is WHY. Why would he do all this crap, when he said he loved me, flew out to see me, bought me expensive gifts. Why RUIN that? Why tell me he got a girls number when he said he loved me? Is he a moron?
God, that's awful. Apparently he never understood that acting like he was single was a problem.
Have you just come out and said you want to return the ticket because he's doing this?
Afterall you are not married, by telling him i don't think you have anything to lose. Treat him as you would a date: set him straight on what your boundaries are!
I have to agree with Cindy. Seems that he is playing a game with you. Seems as if he is purposly trying to hurt or upset you.
Keep in mind you are a woman. For every number he gets you can get ten. At the risk of Tit for Tat next time he tells you how many numbers he got, why not try saying Three? Thats all? You're slipping.
And you might even add that you got several more than that. Might jar him into acting reasonable. Also keep in mind it might just be words designed to upset you. He may have gotten nothing but wants to try and impress you that he is getting along just fine without you.
Movng Forward - in other words "he only got 3 phone numbers" as in from girls from the weekend? NOt like only 3 numbers on my voice mail and you weren't one of them in a sad way?
Protect your heart my friend - I think he needs lots of help and swift kick you know where! I wouldn't be laughing either - in fact I would ignore him for a while!
He WAS joking. I know him. Severall emails later he says he was just joking, and was sorry. It was a joke - but still he needs to know my boundaries. I am just going to sit tight and move forward.
Quote: Sorry MarcD - I don't agree she should have to stoop to his level to play his stupid games! I guess being a female I don't find the humor!
Missy
Missy I can respect that. But it's not really about stooping to his level. So much as the concept of water off a ducks back. It comes down to being one disinterested individual. Oh you got only three phone numbers??? That's it? Sound sincere, because if you take away their wind where does their sailboat go? For example.
M: You're always a raging bitch! F: You know you're right. I am very difficult to deal with at times. I really need to work on that.
What more is there to say? NOTHING. The power has shifted. The best part of that is that often they begin to defend YOU. This is something that I have applied to my own life. Nothing she says or does is wrong. Water off a ducks back. You take all the fun away.
Another example. The Bill and Monica sitch. Imagine if he had just said yes I had sex with her. What more would there be to say? It would be on the news that night, and in the papers the next day. But what else? NOTHING. He would have taken away ALL of the media's interest and all of the questions. Deny them that which they do to you to make you hurt and then there is nothing they can do to hurt you. You appear to be much more solid.
In my case, before my W stole my heart, I was rather the player. And no one could figure out how I could get so many women into bed, bringing me dinner etc... The key. I was one disinterested individual. We are ALWAYS interested in what we can't have.
As another example. Imagine a room with 4 refriderators. 3 of them are completly made of glass and you can see that there is plenty of food in them and you are VERY hungry.
Fridge #4 is made of steel and has a lock on it and you can't see anything inside of it. Guess which one you will be most fascinated with.
That was the point that I was making. The latter half of that was invalid advice and for that I apologize. I'm in one of those moods today.
