What if....you were to read your story on the board like it was someone else's thread? LOL, I'd tell them to keep Dbing. What solution-oriented advice would you give yourself? Back off and give him space, love from a distance. What would you tell yourself to keep doing? Keep being H's friend. UHMMM! What would you tell yourself to STOP doing? Quit ASSuming.
What solution-oriented advice would you give yourself?
kitti, you need to keep being patient in your sitch. you need to keep trying different things instead of being so afraid of the outcomes of them. you need to try different things and monitor results instead of just leaving everything up to your husband to do.
he is not necessarily going to make the first move and since you are the one with the knowledge of db, you should take that knowledge and put it to good use.
What would you tell yourself to keep doing?
keep doing what works. it seems that your husband is very fond of doing fun things with you. watching movies and playing video games. why do you feel you constantly need to 'give him space' - he obviously likes spending time with you, which incidently IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE so you idiot, take advantage of that
when he comes home from work, sure give him the space to unwind from the day, but then when he is comfortable in his cage, then go in there and be his friend, just hang with him.
continue to use his love language - continue to send him little messages and emails and notes in his car that tell him you care about what he is doing for this family
What would you tell yourself to STOP doing?
STOP feeling so damn sorry for yourself. stop having constant pity parties at your life. YOU are responsible for where you life is right now.
get up off your lazy butt and do something with your life. there are people in this world that are POORER than you and they have a happy life doing things
it costs hardly anything to make a batch of cookies and take it down to the local homeless shelter. just do SOMETHING instead of spending so much fricken time on this bb
STOP being so fricken scared about how your husband is gonna react to any of the changes or things you do. your life could be WAY WORSE than it is now, egads girl, at least your husband is HOME with you. he comes home to you every night!!!
STOP concentrating so much on your sitch that you get nothing else done with the rest of your life. STOP wallowing in the WHY ME scenario
What solution-oriented advice would you give yourself?
I would have to show my H that coming home would not be more of the same. He believes that if he came home, we would get on well for a couple of months, and then we would revert to our old ways of interacting.
How can I show him things could be different? By being different NOW!
I was independent, fun, energetic and dynamic before we married. I guess I will have to be independent, fun, energetic and dynamic now too, in spite of feeling as though I have the weight and sorrows of the world on my shoulders some days.
What would you tell yourself to keep doing?
Keep being positive in his presence
Try and stay positive out of his presence!
Spend less time on this BB, mulling over things, and more time out there achieving those goals I set myself!
What would you tell yourself to STOP doing?
Stop obssessing about this situation and spending hours every day on this BB
Stop assuming what he is thinking
Stop imagining that things will be bleak for ever more if he doesn't come home soon
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
