I had this Friday off from work and have been promising my old neighbor, who is 84 years old that I would visit her. Of course, it has been about 3 years since I have last seen her. That is when I became divorced. I came to know her when my husband and I were first married and we purchsed a two family home, next to hers. My ex still owns the home, and sees her from time to time. Well, she opend the door and knew exactly who I was and was glad that I stopped by. We did the usual catching up stuff and then she asked me how things were between the ex and me. I told her all the details then she gave me an ear full. She proceeded to tell me about the fact that her husband had an affair with his secretary and how he ran off with her and left her. While she was telling me the details I was taken back, but also angry because my ex and told her everything regarding our relationship and yet, when I told my parents some details of my marriage problems, he had a fit. But I could see her pain in her eyes. She told me to continue with what I was doing and that he has told her that he doesn't trust anyone any more. This woman remained single, I know her choice, but still because someone had taken her ability to trust. Now I read alot of postings and also vist an affair website and I guess it never really sank in as to what I really had done to my husband. I raped him of his abilty to trust another human being. Seeing her face and listening to her had such an affect on me. It really woke me up. I feel terrible, he will probably grow old alone. I know that would be his choice but still. I realize, I have a long way to go. Actually, If I were him, I wouldn't take myself back. I cannot believe what I did to another human being. I just thought I would share this experience with everyone. My journey is just getting started.
Look at this from a positive perspective, not a negative one. You now know what kind of pain your XH is going through. You now know how deep that pain goes and what how important that trust really is. Yes, the journey of forgiveness to yourself is beginning and there is healing to be done but the important thing is that this process is necessary to rediscover peace of heart. You have begun that journey now. While it may be painful at first, it will eventually lead to complete healing for you, and maybe even your XH.
That's the important part of this. Now you know. Forgive yourself and let time heal the wounds. This is a tremendous step forward for both of you.
Thanks for your kinds words hacker, but yeah it's time to heal. I wanted everything is get back to normal right away, especially after I moved away from OM, but now I realize, it won't be "normal" hopefully better. Now I know how much he is really hurting inside, that I don't want ro dive into a relationship, for now, as long as we are on friendly terms I will be thankful for that. It must be hard for him to even put on a friendly face towards me.
