So after the big break throughs last week. Last night we talked for about 30 minutes about the SSM book. She is almost done with it.
She said it is the best book ever. She is the LD and thought she was just nuts and alone in the world. But that the book showed her she was normal, but what it was doing to me, the HD one. She said she's been using a couple of the ideas in the book to help and has been thrilled with it.
All in all, we are talking. Intimately, about sex. It's great.
You'all, I still feel that it is a MUST: You have to get your LD spouse to read the book. Stand on your head, or write a very serious letter/card to them (like I did). Do what it takes.
Make a decision, you WILL stay in this unhappy situation or you will NOT. If things are already bad, you can't mess them up anymore trying to get them to sexually engage.
Follow up for HD women and LD (?) men that I've read about on this site. Sex abuse is extremely high for young boys/men and is on the increase. It is even more shameful for men because of the homosexuality aspect. If sex abuse effects women it the point of sexually shutting down, I'm sure it effects men.
I have no experience with this, but through this process I've learned my wife was abused as a kid and I'd like to remove the sex organs from the offender for trying to mess up my marriage now.
A LD man needs help. This book can start that process.
Amen on the DO IT NOW! That is my mantra. It would be rare that an LD spouse decides to fix a sexually incontinent relationship ( although we have seen it on these forums). It is primarily the responsibility of the unhappy spouse.
As an abused person, I can tell you this much. The (insert expletive here) person responsible for the abuse should be hung - if it would bring closure to the incident. In the real world, dealing with the aftermath falls under the purview of the abused. As such, I can tell you how I dealt with my abuse;
I metaphorically kicked the abuser out of my bed, out of my experience and out of my mind. I will be damned if some pervert is going to screw up one of the greatest experiences we can have on the planet, in this life.
They had their guilty pleasure, and they will take the guilt to their grave. That is ALL they will ever get from me. I will have guilt free sex, sans their presense in any form, for as long as I am able. They are NOT going to be a part of my sex life now. Why should I, why would I let them? It is my choice, I choose the good over the ugly :-)
I wish you and your wife all the best in your recovery. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
