Just catching up on your thread. ((((((((((Rabbit)))))))))
Hang in there...I understand how you're feeling. I don't think you were so much "controlling" as you were trying to set your boundaries with your W....as you said you felt like you were at her beck and call. Maybe this just wasn't the right way to do it. (uh oh, here comes that 2 x 4!!! )
I do agree that you should have given W an answer right away when she asked you about going to the rec centre...even if it was a "Let me think about it" or something like that just to show her that you have enough respect for her to acknowledge that she asked you a question. It drives me crazy when I ask somebody something and they don't even acknowledge me....it's not a good feeling.
That said...I'll put the 2 x 4 away now...lol.
Maybe you could invite your W to go to the rec centre and hot tub with you as soon as you have a free evening to do so. That might make her feel better and the bonus part of it is you get to spend some hot tub time with W...and you know how addictive those hot tubs can be!!!
I wish you all the best...I'll try to pop into chat soon.
Thanks for the input everyone. Update----we sat down and had a talk Sunday afternoon. Actually a good talk! She did indicate that it bothered her that I didn't say "Yes or No" right away. (I did acknowledge that I had heard her at the time-just didn't commit to which way I would answer.) We discussed something that we both have recognised many years ago, just still haven't worked out a good way to deal with----and that is that I need time to think about almost anything for a minute before I answer, and that she is much more of a immediate response personality. We still haven't come up with an answer to this other than it is just necessary to learn to tolerate (who knows-maybe even eventually embrace that particular difference). I did ask her to go hottubing Sunday night. Enjoyed about 1 1/2 hrs swimming and in the hottub. Harv
Maybe a compromise? Maybe you could tell her... Immediately.. that you heard her and need a minute to think about it? Just the first thing that popped into my mind.I'm so glad things are going well for you also
Hello all. Have not posted to my thread in a long, long time. Things were up-no reason to post, then things were down-didn't feel like posting. Anyway, I seem to have a bit firmer grasp now. current situ--we had slid back toward where we were about a year ago. This is not how I would like things to be, but all I can control is me.
My plan for now--1) I am going nowhere-staying right here. Her staying or leaving is her choice-always has been, though I may not have recognized that at times. 2) I will continue with my "self-improvement" to try to become a better person to all those around me (includes W), though I will not let then control my life. 3) I will become active on "my" projects, those that are fun for me, ie: rebuilding my 67 Fairlane and other 'shop' projects. 4) I will continue with coursework for professional improvement.
My life has been in limbo, I need to turn over the leaf.
My computer is actually allowing me to type this morning! Yipee. (Don't know how long it will last though.)
I think that your goal/plan list sounds great. It is so tempting to fall back into that comfortable co-dependence bed we made, isn't it? I think your goals will help launch you back out of it.
)
