Thanks Steve! Always good to hear from you. In the end, being a bitch will serve no purpose around the ILs. Being gracious will do me more good. Now, remind me of this next month when I get to see my BIL & SIL who grated on my nerves before all this began (they are Main Line Philly folks who treat us like country bumpkins--everything is viewed through monetary filters and we just don't measure up).
Hi Sue--yup, he is back for good, I think. He seems pretty solid and puts up with me asking if it is for real a million times (not that bad, but I do ask).
MMH, there is hope! I joined BB on 11/8/02 and we have been all over the roller coaster, but I think this is the final part, we are back together, now we just have to make it a good, solid M, no easy task, but something we are finally both ready to work on.
Hi Pam. Nice to see you, never give up!
Things are going well here. H's work is stressful, again. Bigwigs in from corporate. He took a day off to attend the Disney shareholder meeting in Philly and came back excited about his day off and tooling around the city. I worry that he feels stuck in his job as he is providing for all of us. He says he still loves his job, but he comes home looking strained and exhausted. Just one day off changed his whole appearance. I don't know how to help him.
Trying to keep rowing my own boat and H is being really good about it. I test Saturday for my next rank in karate and that is consuming the week. H is good about allowing me to practice on him. I'm a nervous wreck about the test, but making myself do it.
Jackie - things sound so good. I am very happy for you and H and the children. Good luck on your karate test - you will do well, I know.
Work has me completely buried, but i think of you every day and you stay in my prayers. (((((Jackie))))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I did test for my next rank, test went okay, can't do a back kick if my life depended on it, but had my hapikidos down. Even did a front roll off my left shoulder, usually I just go thump. But need to really step up my practice time for the next rank.
H and I went to the T yesterday. She asked us to rate the M on 1-10. I did a big inward groan, last T we had to do it too, almost a year ago. H gave it a 7, I agreed. She asked if we were satisfied with a 7, I said no, H seemed okay, but wanted more too.
She asked what was going on and I just said things were boring around here. Perhaps with the last 16 months of drama, I've had something to focus on, a goal, now it is achieved, what is next? So we talked about me for a bit, how I may be project oriented and might need more in my life than just being a mom. She kind of validated that for some people earning degrees is the point, not using the degrees (something that bugs my H to no end, that I don't use my latest degree). I just struggle with the age old question of what to do when I grow up (and pushing 40, too!). So in an attempt to get a fire under my butt, H read through the classifieds last night and I could think of an excuse for every job! I don't even know if I want to work, the kids are little for such a short time, I don't think I want to miss it. I'm afraid if I work, when I got home everything would be rush, rush, rush and I'd be really cranky. So I need to figure out where I want to row my boat to.
T also gave us some grief for not having time to ourselves. She thinks we should be going out every Saturday night. (guess that would mean finding a babysitter, we really are pitiful) So, H and I talked and our goal is to go out twice before our next appointment (one month). We talked about the vacations we had planned, but she said we need something to keep us going on a regular basis, not just surviving between vacations.
We are attemtping to carve out time for each other in the evening and find things we can do together, we both tend to read then fall asleep in the evening! She suggested puzzles, wine, sex, I rolled my eyes at puzzles and last night when H came home he told me "I did not appreciate you rolling your eyes when I said puzzles" I thought T said it, but either way I got in trouble. To me he seems a bit sensitive, but I guess I should be aware of that by now.
So working on a way to find some meaning to my life and make it not so boring.
Jackie..glad things are going smooth..keep doing the things that you have learned..it is hard not to say things somethimes..I catch myself biting my tongue..as I say to myself would that really be beneficial to say..no!You have to find the time alone..that is partly why h is keeping his apt..we have alone time there, and we have been apart for what seems forever, and it is hard to become a couple again after doing things alone..Sorry about your inlaws..but be the bigger person and try your hardest to treat them as if you were just meeting them..and remember that if tthey choose not to respond then it is THEIR problem and THEIR loss..not yours!
Jackie, I think your T is doing good with the two of you. T doesn't want you to "get bored" and go back to old habits. I can see how easy it can be to do that!
I think your goal should be to spend some quality time together! Try anyway, afterall you need a R with each other, kids won't be there forever!
What things do you have in common? List them. And try fitting them into your lives!
Hi Jackie - Things sound really good to me. A 7 is wonderful, considering all you have been through. What a great accomplishment. It is also good to have room to do some more work. I think it's dangerous to feel like evrything is perfect - makes people careless. You too sound like you're really making progress in communicating with each other. Another big step forward.
As far as rowing your own boat - the decision to work is a tough one. As an in between step while you're deciding - how about doing some more things for you - to get out and row your own boat - like your scrapbooking. Are there other things you're interested in? Maybe you could take a new class or join a book club - there are several book clubs here in my town that seem like a lot of fun - and it seems like you enjoy reading - just some ideas. Mybe go to a flyfest! Another thing I had thought of doing - but haven't been able to do because of our work schedules is to work at the shelters around town every once in a while. Just a few ideas of the top of my not so together head. Keep in mind that you're doing and have done a great job.
One other idea - what would you think about picking up an interesting puzzle and planning a date with your H? You did this before, I think, and he really seemed to like it.
It is hard to always keep in mind that they are sensitive too. Try not to beat yourself up. You are doing a wonderful job, and continue to be an inspiration to me and so many others here.
Thank you for posting on my thread! I appreciate it more than you know. (((((Jackie)))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hi Jackie - Things sound really good to me. A 7 is wonderful, considering all you have been through. What a great accomplishment. It is also good to have room to do some more work. I think it's dangerous to feel like evrything is perfect - makes people careless. You too sound like you're really making progress in communicating with each other. Another big step forward.
As far as rowing your own boat - the decision to work is a tough one. As an in between step while you're deciding - how about doing some more things for you - to get out and row your own boat - like your scrapbooking. Are there other things you're interested in? Maybe you could take a new class or join a book club - there are several book clubs here in my town that seem like a lot of fun - and it seems like you enjoy reading - just some ideas. Mybe go to a flyfest! Another thing I had thought of doing - but haven't been able to do because of our work schedules is to work at the shelters around town every once in a while. Just a few ideas of the top of my not so together head. Keep in mind that you're doing and have done a great job.
One other idea - what would you think about picking up an interesting puzzle and planning a date with your H? You did this before, I think, and he really seemed to like it.
It is hard to always keep in mind that they are sensitive too. Try not to beat yourself up. You are doing a wonderful job, and continue to be an inspiration to me and so many others here.
Thank you for posting on my thread! I appreciate it more than you know. (((((Jackie)))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Another thing I had thought of doing - but haven't been able to do because of our work schedules is to work at the shelters around town every once in a while. Just a few ideas of the top of my not so together head. Keep in mind that you're doing and have done a great job.