This is such a good report that I can't contain myself. Girl, you know how to keep the suspense up and keep your calm demeanor. You so totally rock, dude!
I'm agreeing with Holding and Kitti and the rest. Your H wants to fix things. GO YOU! Now smile and just say to yourself:
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... because you LOVE to swim!
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Actually, Betsey, my D and I were literally singing "Just keep swimming" at the top of our voices last night as we drove to the airport... Did you not hear us in Denver? I was the one totally off tone, she was the sweet, little well pitched one...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Hey, Opt, I don't think I've posted to you before, but I have been trying to keep up with your situation somewhat.
This is such incredibly wonderful news. I'm sitting here with tears running down my face, but with the biggest smile. I'm so very happy for you.
What jumped out at me especially were your H's words, "We're going to fix this." When a man gets that notion into his head, he'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. My H said much the same thing to our kids, "Mom and I are going to make it." And, we have!!
Holdingon's advice was perfect. Let him do all the talking. Just listen and validate. You may hear some hurtful things, but you want him to feel safe enough with you to unload everything -- good and bad.
The real work of "piecing" is just beginning. Good luck and God Bless.
You are an inspiration. Your strength, your belief that you can be happy by yourself, your openness to H coming back into your life (for real this time I think!!!!), your optimism You are great!!!!
I agree with what people are saying here.... Be patient, don't push, give him space, focus on your R, not an old R with OW. He came back TO YOU. He wants to fix things.
I just want to add one thing... Patience does not mean waiting forever to address your own needs, just putting them on hold for a bit. Remember that when your patience wears thin, lol. And, remember that when your pain starts coming up. At some point, it needs to be addressed, resolved, so that you can both move on and have a really great M. You will know when your M is strong enough, and then ask for what YOU want. I don't want to see you stuck, spinning in circles, because your pain and needs go ignored. That only happens if you let it So, patience for now, just remember you still matter, and you will be able to take care of you more in the M in time.
Also, if your H really wants to work hard and try to fix things.... and asks how.... you don't want to stonewall him by acting as if everything is fine.... I think I'd find that very frustrating, anyway.... Give him a way back ... a way to gain your trust, to let you feel safe, to love you like you want to be loved... Maybe you can work together to find solutions? Address a concern of his, then a concern of yours, back and forth, give and take, **when the time is right.**
And, of course, I'm a big fan of detachment, lol. For me, detaching's not just for DBing anymore, but a way of life. I think it is so important to any healthy happy R.
Hang in there, you. Keep treating yourself right. It may not be easy, progress may (almost surely, lol) be followed by set backs. But Opti, I really think you have an excellent chance at growing the wonderful M you want. New R time!!!! How exciting!!!!
Quote: What jumped out at me especially were your H's words, "We're going to fix this." When a man gets that notion into his head, he'll do whatever it takes to get the job done. My H said much the same thing to our kids, "Mom and I are going to make it." And, we have!!
Yep! The best thing you can do now is let him know you are a team and you will "fix it" together.
I'm so glad for you. Thank God he wasn't in Columbia doing a drug-deal or whatever, lol.
It does seem like cave time does lots of good things when these guys need to straighten out their heads. The future is looking a lot brighter for you.
You are great!!!!
So, patience for now, just remember you still matter, and you will be able to take care of you more in the M in time.
